35 hours in school vs. in daycare

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
35 hours in school vs. in daycare
188
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:03pm

I was trying to think why I've been having such a hard time with the idea of going to work full-time in the fall and yet I don't have any problem with my kids going to school for the same amount of time when they are school age. I know that we've asked the question a lot "Why is it okay to put them in school for 35 hours but not in daycare for 35 hours?"

My toddler doesn't understand WHY Mommy is gone. He doesn't appreciate the difference between Mommy going to work and Mommy just disappearing all day. A 5-year old does. I think that until they are old enough to truly understand the purpose and necessity of the separation, those 35 hours are going to be experienced very differently.

Discuss.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:07pm

oh I dunno -- my infant and toddler didn't know why I was gone all day and honestly she probably didn't care or notice that much -- she was fed, hugged, loved, played with just fine -- but the OLDER Liza?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:25pm

Why does a toddler need to understand "WHY" mommy is gone? Maybe my kids were just weird (although I think they were pretty normal toddlers, LOL!), but they never seemed to even notice that I wasn't there. They played happily with their friends, with their provider -- and never had any separation anxiety issues.

For US, it was about what they "gained" by being in dc -- we've never considered it as any sort of "loss". KWIM?

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:27pm

no guilt trips taken here, LOL! I taught them early that, no I just couldn't take time off for those kinds of things.

However, I did get snagged once when my school year had ended earlier than theirs and dd BEGGED me to go with her class on their field trip to a local airport. I did go, but it just wasn't my cup of tea (I do enough supervising when I run my own field trips!).

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:34pm

I think that until they are old enough to truly understand the purpose and necessity of the separation, those 35 hours are going to be experienced very differently.


i'm a believer that kids grow up learning what they live.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:37pm

Ah... one of my favorites.


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I think if a toddler can understand why their father is gone for 7 or so hours (which I really have never thought of as all day, but I'm going off track there)

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:39pm

I agree, I'm not sure my boys really ever gave it much thought....as long as the alternative was fun, (and they loved their othercare with a whole group of kids and toys to play with!), the why didn't matter so much.


Now, you are right again....with the boys being older they can pull a guilt trip as well.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:41pm

<>

Mine seems awfully distressed that I'm going, and there isn't any way for me to explain to him where I'm going or why. And this is just two mornings per week at Mother's Day Out. I honestly feel that he's going to feel abandoned if I suddenly disappear all day, 5 days a week, especially since it will follow closely on the heels of the birth of his new younger sibling. At least with a 5 year old I could *explain* to them what's going on. They may still not like it, but they would know I'm not just avoiding them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:47pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:50pm

<>

It's not. DH doesn't like being away from him all the time either, but the alternative is welfare. And like egd said, it's all DS has ever known. But me - he identifies me as the one that is "supposed" to be around him taking care of him because of his experience thus far, and so the very idea of me being gone for long periods of time is deeply unsettling to him (even if he's having fun at MDO). In a situation like this, I think it's a lot different to put him in daycare as a toddler than to wait until he's old enough to understand the situation more accurately.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 02-06-2009 - 2:56pm
Maybe they don't have a concept of how much time has passed, but they can still notice the difference in how Mom (or Dad) used to be around all the time and now he or she is hardly ever around during the day.
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