90's parenting personified?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
90's parenting personified?
754
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 7:43am

I found this article interesting.

"There in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I close my eyes, feel their beauty and follow where they lead."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 1:46pm
Wow, you guys are quick on the attack.

Anyone here at all even read my posts???

SHE DOESN"T WATCH IT ALL DAY LONG. SHE WATCHES FOR A LITTLE IN THE MORNING

Even then she doesn't watch the TV the whole time. She is usually playing with her toys. And I make sure that the 'bear' show I talked about which is not harmful. It's not like i'm some terrible mother who drops her off in front of the TV and leaves FOX on for her for 8 hours while I go do my thing.

I'm sorry I even mentioned it. You like to jump on someones descision and tear it apart eh? I realize this is a debate and we are here to comment about other's choices. I guess I typed too quickly there before really thinking. And It looks like that is what you are all attacking me for. I'm sure there are studies out there that go against some of the parenting choices of the women here. Why dont we start attacking those parents?

Look. If you think that my DD watching an hour of TV throughot the day is bad, then fine. Obviously i'm a horrible parent and person because a few times i've posted personal opinion or choices and I've had this happen and i'm starting to wonder if my parents were right, that I am stupid. I know i shouldn't let this bother me but I get a little emotional when it comes to my DD and my parenting is questioned.

All I wanted was to talk to other parents because I dont have any close friends around. And my close friends dont have kids. I dont agree with some of the posts here, but most of the time I dont say anything because I beleive that they are *your* choices and it's not my place to comment

forget it...

sorry about everything

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 1:51pm
It's funny. I think it takes a lot of gumption for a wohm to tell me that I am basing EVERY single one of my parenting decisions on a fear of hurting my children's feelings. I have been diagnosed, given a prescription and a prognosis by wohms who know nothing about MY staying at home for 5 years. I'm a sahm of three children, ages 1 through 5. In 5 years of sah I have witnessed the panoply of emotions children have. I have seen it all BECAUSE I stay-at-home. And because I am so close to my children, and especially because I love them all so very dearly, if I can knowingly spare them disappointment, you better believe I do so.

Perhaps unlike others, I don't see raising children as a war of us parents against them and perhaps my heart in 5 years has yet to close and freeze over. If Hollie and Misty and others like you call that a weakness, then I am weak. If you knew me, you'd find that laughable, but that image appeased the wohms here yesterday. That image allowed them to discount my second post here #113 and all of my consistent follow-up posts and claim that I make every single parenting decision to avoid making my children mad.

If a mother stays-at-home for 5 years - or even for six months - she knows full well that a sahm cannot get thru everyday without getting one of the little tikes upset over some little decision you make. It would be absolutely impossible for even the most spineless to make EVERY decision based on some alleged fear of upsetting a child. But only a sahm could know that.

Beginning in my second post #113, I made clear my children's job as students is to study and immerse themselves in extra-curriculars. There's no way I'm going to give my children 5 yrs of a bedroom tv just to yank it from them when their studies inevitably start to suffer. I fully believe children are capable of getting thru entire WEEKS (yes, weeks) without tv - not at all possible if the tv is right there in the bedroom. It would be the parent's fault for setting up that situation in the first place. It is sooo much easier to monitor and limit tv when my children are in the same room or on the same floor with me. The wohms can shout otherwise. I know better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 1:55pm
You know what? Maybe if what you want out of the internet is just to chat with other Moms, you'd be happier on a support board. There are a lot of them on I-Village, where the main purpose of the board is to make friends and chat about parenting and stuff. This board isn't like that, it's not what it's for. Nobody is singling you out for attack, although I am sure it feels like it to you -- but if you check out this thread, you'll find several hot debates going and lots of sharp disagreement. It takes a certain type of personality to enjoy debating, and if you don't enjoy it, then you probably will find this board upsetting. I didn't mean to single you out, but how was I supposed to know that you didn't want us to comment on your parenting?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:02pm
It's not that I didn't want comments, I guess I just didn't expect such an attack. I enjoyed these debates, it gave me a chance to compare me to others. I just made the mistake of commenting.

I just give up... and everyone here can feel free to attack me on that.

It's not worth this kind of pain

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:09pm
I'm really sorry that you are experiencing pain. I am not sure why you are experiencing pain, or even feeling attacked, since all I did was point out that a reputable study says that you are not doing your daughter any good by exposing her to TV. Nobody "attacked" you and nobody accused you of being neglectful or of abandoning her for hours at a time. Again, if all you will accept are positive comments, may I direct you to a suitable playgroup or support board?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:10pm

Some threads are like this, you know. For some reason, they hit a sore spot and it hurts. The best thing to do

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:20pm
I'm sorry but your response doesn't seem to be in any way, shape or form related to anything I said in my post. I have never attacked (or even accused) you of " basing EVERY single one of my parenting decisions on a fear of hurting my children's feelings." I discussed how *I* felt about my decision not to have tvs in the kid's rooms and why *I* didn't consider the possible avoidance of future fights one of the reasons for that decision. You asked how I felt about fights and avoidance of them and I gave my answer....which basically amounts to that avoiding a fight may not always be possible regardless of the decision, so it is not a part of my decision-making process for bigger issues.

In case you weren't paying attention: *my children will never have a tv in their rooms, period*. I have several reasons for why I feel so strongly about that....number one being that I don't consider bedrooms an appropriate place for tvs (that is just how I feel, I don't get bothered by other people making different decisions and that goes for us as well...we've never had a tv in our bedroom). And yes, children can go for weeks without tv...my kids have actually been perfectly happy without watching for a month or more. Even when they are watching it on a regular basis, it's rarely more than half-hour on any given day.

"I have been diagnosed, given a prescription and a prognosis by wohms who know nothing about MY staying at home for 5 years."

Careful, you are beginning to make unwarranted assumptions...how do you know that the WOHPs in this thread don't know anything about what it's like to SAH for a long period of time. I was a SAHP for over 6 years, so I've been in your shoes.

" I'm a sahm of three children, ages 1 through 5. In 5 years of sah I have witnessed the panoply of emotions children have. I have seen it all BECAUSE I stay-at-home. And because I am so close to my children, and especially because I love them all so very dearly, if I can knowingly spare them disappointment, you better believe I do so. "

Now you are just getting plain nasty....You aren't seriously suggesting that WOHPs don't witness a panoply of emotions in their children, are you? Is your husband really that clueless about his own kids? And you aren't honestly trying to suggest that WOHMs (I assume you specifically mean moms since you would hardly accuse your husband of this) are heartless beasts who don't care about disappointing their children or seeing them upset?

" It would be the parent's fault for setting up that situation in the first place. It is sooo much easier to monitor and limit tv when my children are in the same room or on the same floor with me. The wohms can shout otherwise. I know better."

Um, all wohms? Having fun ignoring completely the fact that several wohms have specified that they would never allow tvs in their children's bedrooms? The only difference between your opinion and mine on the subject of tvs in bedrooms is the reasoning behind the ban....maybe since I have an older child I am more aware of the futility of trying to head off upsets or disappointments in my children. They will get upset at my decisions regardless of what I expect or intend. It is absolutely amazing to me how decisions I am sure will upset them are no problem at all, while decisions I expect to be not even a hint of an issue turn into WWIII. I make my decisions based on what is best for my children, not based on trying to avoid future fights.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:28pm
I'm sorry, but Lois' posts were simply NOT attacks. Not by any stretch of the imagination. if a rebuttal as gentle as hers is too hard for you to handle, perhaps a debate board is not for you.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:29pm
Golly gee whiz, I get to have my own opinions??????? Wowweee!!!!! Thanks!!!!!!

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 2:34pm
fyi it wasn't just her that got me down.

yes, her post bothered me a little, but i would have gotten over it.

it's the rest of the posts condemming me being upset

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