advice for a washed up SAH

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
advice for a washed up SAH
4
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 3:35pm
Maybe it is just the pregnancy hormones but I find myself in a pretty annoying situation that others who have WOH before having children might have. I have a friend, B, who frequently tells me what her friend A has advised her concerning medical issues. A has worked in the medical field for 6 years and has a degree slightly less advanced than mine in the medical field. The problem is that A gives B a lot of advice that isn't correct. Not only do I get annoyed thinking that this person must be giving bad advice to all the other patients she cares for but it is hard for me to hear B talking about things that aren't true. I have corrected some of what B says and apparantly A has gotten defensive and has told her that I have been a SAH for too long and don't know what I am talking about. B I feel sort of leans towards A's view point because, well, A IS working and I am not.

It is true that I have SAH but I also take continuing education and have the time to devote to reading new studies and journals of medicine not to mention a good resource of friends and family currently in the field that I discuss things with on an almost daily basis. I am a big fan of the net and keeping current in the field. It's too annoying to listen to falty advice, and to hard not to say anything when I think B is being given bad advice, and frankly insulting to be told I don't know what I am talking about when I have just read a fresh article out of the journal of medicine on the topic at hand. How do I handle this situation? What do other SAH do that aren't working in their field and are being made to feel that because they are currently staying home they are "out of touch". I am thinking of just telling B I can't discuss medical issues any further because A gives her advice that is usually contradictory to my beliefs and it is too distressing for me to fight about. I really dont know why B keeps asking me things after she has asked A the same question anyway. What do you do when you are told you are washed up or wrong just because you currently don't work in your field?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 6:53pm
i think our hormones wreak havoc on us when we're pregnant, not to mention up to three weeks out of the month for some of us, so you are in good company as far as thats concerned, but in this case i would not necessarily chalk it up to hormones. i dont know you, but it sounds like you are a pretty on the ball person, and it is very insulting to know you are on top of the issue, and someone poo-poos you because you are not "in it" actively(as far as they can see) on a daily basis.

this is probably not a very unusual situation. i dont have a "field" per se, but i am 45 years old, and have not been in a shell all my life. i have raised(almostfreeof3) three children, and have experienced many learning situations, where my knowledge imo can be valuable to someone else. some people think if its not your field, you simply dont know what you are talking about, and i find myself in that situation *very* often right on this board. i dont know how many times, i have offered advice as hindsight is 20/20 only to be told, well, you dont know my child, so that is only true for your children, where i have experienced raising children which exposes one to hundreds, maybe thousands of children and their parents, so i dont use *my* children only as reference. BUT.... i only have three children and no degree, so i must not know what im talking about.

let it roll off your shoulders, and personally, i would give her vague answers, or say, perhaps your friend is correct, and let it go. i have learned in my 45 not so easy years of life(much to my dad's surprise), sometimes it *is* better to keep your mouth shut.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 7:39pm
Thank you for the advice. I can see how these things happen, even for people who don't have a "field" but know a little something about everything after having really "lived" life. I feel that way too on different topics that I am not formally educated in but feel I have done enouch research on. I think you are right. I should probably just not say anything at all and let it roll. Your dad is right sometimes it is best not to say anything!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 8:56pm
yes, he is right, but we wont tell him that!!LOL.

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-31-2003 - 9:37pm
Well I have been a SAHM for 4 years now. I worked in a hair salon for many years before I left. I have not experienced what you have experienced. If I were you IF my friend asked my advice about something I would just tell her MY opinion. If she refers to what her other friend says then just tell her to ask her doctor. You don't have to defend yourself to anyone. Good luck.