Am I a doormat? What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Am I a doormat? What would you do?
1139
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm
This is my first post here, but I need some help from strangers. Here is my problem. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 children who are 10 & 12. I have always worked part-time since the kids were born, and was making a good salary (30K), for 2 days work/week. I had a great job that allowed me to pay my car payment, groceries, clothes for me and the kids, and for little extras. My husband paid all the other bills.

Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.

Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.

I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?

I welcome all opinions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:34am
that's pretty much why i refrained from posting here for as long as i did. some four years ago another wise woman referred to ps as the trailer park of the internet, which was much more amusing to me when i had another good option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:42am
Now that's pretty funny.
Avatar for biancamami
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:47am
In my opinion, someone who would call a group of women they have only recently introduced themselves to as "the trailer park of the internet" is the one seriously lacking in tact, courtesy, grace, and manners.

There are HUNDREDS of internet boards on the web...why you would continue to post here if you find us so repulsive and inferior to your standards is beyond me.

Ana
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:49am
$400/month isn't prohibitively expensive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:58am
Well, that's a matter of opinion and varies by circumstance. It would be prohibitively expensive for me. If you are a parent, and it is summer, once you figure in daycare costs in addition to that 400/month... not worth it. FWIW, the commute would be more like $600/month from where I live in NJ. At least it would've been that much 5 years ago when I considered an NYC job.

-Deb

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:01am
FYI... I think the location thing got confused because there is a Fairfield, NJ as well as a Fairfield Cty, CT. Nobody's fault, just a miscommunication.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:07am
I think I see the problem here. This whole thread is about the original post. Just because you arbitrarily decided that you were responding to one little subset within the thread doesn't mean anyone else is. You may be putting forth the argument that it is "unlikely" that someone can sub 5 days a week with out certs, but you did that in response to O123 (agreeing with her, I believe) who was calling trip59 a liar BECAUSE she said she worked 4-5 days a week as a sub. Noone here is disputing that in some areas, it would be unlikely for an uncertified teacher to work 5 days a week as a sub. But that was never the issue except in your own mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:18am
there are by far many more intelligent and interesting people posting and lurking on this board than there are trolls and drama queens. in all honesty, i doubt i'll keep posting here for long, because all too often a few posters squelch debate with their tone and tenacity, but i've lurked for years to enjoy the conversation and ideas of the other 99%, and i don't agree that anyone who doesn't relish the lowest common denominator in a forum has no business participating in it.
Avatar for biancamami
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:23am
Your statement made it pretty clear that all of PS was the "lowest common denominator"...isn't that what you meant by "trailer park" of the internet?

Not only is that statement offensive to people who actually live in trailer parks it also makes it seem like the whole board is inferior in your eyes. I certainly did not get from your statement that you enjoyed 99% of the posts on this board.

Every board has its share of trolls and trouble makers.


Edited 5/22/2003 12:07:37 PM ET by biancamami

Ana
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 11:31am
subtopics arise in almost every thread; it wasn't unusual for me to join one that was, in fact, started by yet another poster, and joined by nearly a dozen others. i was by no means alone; several of us were talking about subbing genrally and not the op, and other subtopics, including the current one about commuting costs (itself spun off a subtopic about commuting time) that is alive as we speak. and i don't really see how you can accuse me of causing confusion, either, since easily half of my posts include an overt statement that i'm not talking about the op or calling her a liar.

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