Am I a doormat? What would you do?
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| Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm |
Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.
Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.
I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?
I welcome all opinions.

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And of course, you can do it with no experience, the minute you matierialize on the job market, at your choice of only two schools, because you have a Bachelors. Please keep up with the facts.
<<2) In some states, you must have a master's degree to be hired as a teacher. I don't know where you live, but in some states, they actually care that their teachers know what they're doing and that they are high quality. >>
Not in hers. Keep up. She needs a teachers cert. See above, not sure what they care about where she is, as far a quality of teacher goes. But if in some states, they want a teacher to have masters instead of actual education in the art of teaching, they aren't too intersted in people who are of high quality and know what they are doing.
<<3) Their mortgage is $215,000. Their home is now valued at $1,000,000. In the metro NY area, housing prices have been rising as fast as anywhere (I know since my parents bought a home 8 years ago for less than $150K that is now worth over $500K). Their house was $215K when they bought it. That's perfectly doable on a $200K/year income. >>
Keep up. The OP bought a $400,000 dollar home on $200,000/yr. Oh, and have these people you knwo also managed, on $200,000/yr with their mortgage, to have their retirement all saved up, their kids educations all paid for, and investments of such proportion that fps who implement "wealth" criteria will actually see them? Please, try to keep up.
<<4) Learn simple concepts about real estate. Please. Understand that homes appreciate in value over time. Especially over 11 years in that area in this type of housing market. >>
Yes I know about housing markets, hence my long discussion of where mine was 10 yrs ago, 5 yrs ago, and now. Along with my dissertation on the relative property values in NYC suburbs and my suburbs. I also realize, rich people don't change their idea of where rich people live, just because middle class burbs get more expensive. Keep up.
<<5) Yeah, no one else fell into that trap. Obviously she deserves your ire. >>
Anyone who loses a job and refuses to bother to look for a replacement, but throws their hands up and cries "its too harrrrrrdd" deserves my ire.
<<6) There is not going to be a happy family life with this kind of relationship no matter how many days a week she works or doesn't work. They need some counseling to get their marriage back on track. >>
What kind of relationship? The one where the husband thinks they need her income, and the wife thinks they don't? The inconsistencies in her story kind of support his position, I'm afraid. Thats the best I can do to turn this into a "real" story. Or well. He could be funnelling money off to a *special* account for - you know. Or he could just be planning to divorce her, and wanting her to maintain her ability to earn a living. She hasn't yet bothered to indicate what the extra $1500/month she wants him to pick up now, represents as his downside. Wait for it, she'll tell us now.
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It really doesn't matter, does it? He's not her fairy godmother. If he doesn't want to pay for her car, I guess he doesn't have to. My guess is though, that he has some pretty realistic financial concerns. He pays for the rest of her life as it is. She might have to forgoe the summer job, and just go get a real job to replace the income she lost, whether she wants to, or not.
My friend worked for a dot com, in IT, as their security officer. In Canada. For one year. Before the bust. He made $1million dollars that year. His salary was $100,000/yr. The rest was in bonuses, stocks and of course, severance. The owners were multi millionairs.
I edited my post to take out the H.P. reference.
The district? No she's limitted herself to two particular schools, and only if the schedules match her children's school day.
Most school systems, when looking at two inexperienced candidates, one with a BA or BS, and another with an MA or MS, will hire the BA/BS since they have to pay the person with the MA/MS more. The more experience involved, the less this difference in education means. Most teachers' colleges tell students to wait until they've secured a job before going for a master's degree. If they are too costly to hire, they might price themselves out of a teaching job.
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