Am I a doormat? What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Am I a doormat? What would you do?
1139
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm
This is my first post here, but I need some help from strangers. Here is my problem. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 children who are 10 & 12. I have always worked part-time since the kids were born, and was making a good salary (30K), for 2 days work/week. I had a great job that allowed me to pay my car payment, groceries, clothes for me and the kids, and for little extras. My husband paid all the other bills.

Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.

Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.

I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?

I welcome all opinions.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 12:35pm
I'm just asking a question? Couldn't a small district only consist of 2 schools? While we have 8 elementary schools for k-5th we only have ONE middle school for 6th-8th and ONE high school. Those 8 elementary schools get combined into one 6th-12th and we are considered a large district if you look at the population, teacher size, etc. I don't know how many as we are doing private school right now but hope to move back so we can do public school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 12:53pm
Depends on the state. Most states have county school systems, because they already have a county government in place, so that's what makes the most sense.

A few states (Pennsylvania is one that springs to my mind) have districts that consist of a few elementaries and a middle school or two, that feed into, usually, only one HS. It costs a lot more to administer districts on that small level, so it isn't cost effective for most states to have that set-up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 12:55pm
Well, yes. Now that I think about it. For me the commute to NYC would be one hour each way, costing about $5000/month. And when you factor in driving to and from the airport, in both cities, that two hour commute just became more like five hrs/day. I see where you are coming from.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 12:57pm
In a prime suburb of NYC? With a 1000 teachers between the two schools. Thinking not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:01pm
No, just in general.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:03pm
Ours is county. The next county over has both county and city, depending on where you live, which you attend. But that county has only one middle and one high school just like ours. But several elementaries (well more than 8, it is a larger county school system). Now another county close by has several elementaries, one middle, but two high schools, that is new to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:09pm
How the system is set up (county, district, whatever) varies from place to place, but the number of schools within the system is based on the number of students who must be accomodated. In the suburbs of NYC, the population is just so dense, there are many schools in each district, because thousands of children need to go to school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:19pm
Yes I do. They say that people who assume make up really unbelieveable scenarios.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:21pm
Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:26pm
So your friend with the piddly 100K salary could buy a million dollar house then. See how things work when we don't know all the details?

Pages