Am I a doormat? What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Am I a doormat? What would you do?
1139
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm
This is my first post here, but I need some help from strangers. Here is my problem. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 children who are 10 & 12. I have always worked part-time since the kids were born, and was making a good salary (30K), for 2 days work/week. I had a great job that allowed me to pay my car payment, groceries, clothes for me and the kids, and for little extras. My husband paid all the other bills.

Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.

Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.

I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?

I welcome all opinions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:28pm
Aren't you forgetting Eileen, the teacher from a nearby town who just told you that they are in dire need of subs, and that the few subs they have work every day of the year? I suppose she's making this up too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:33pm
Yes that's right, but the schedule always matches my childrens school days. I don't know how they do it in Canada, but around here my kids are in school the same time everyday. Naturally I'm home for them whether I sub at the middle school with them or at the high school, which gets me home earlier.

If I sub at high school I put them on the bus and make it in time for HS to start.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:36pm
Again, the post from the actual teacher who is currently teaching in a very nice, high priced suburban school district with a sub shortage is also wrong. You even know more than she does. That's truly amazing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 1:54pm
is it ever going to sink in that i'm not posting about you and your specific circumstances? you and a few others are taking solipsism to a new level here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 2:07pm
My goodness what a theory! May I ask what she gains from all this meticulous researching? Perhaps she is out to get YOU? Or she is taking up hours and hours in the library to fool us ALL! You've caught her. Her hobby is making up stories on a message board.

I mean, REALLY, what could be her motivation?

Anyway, I thought it was the Fairfield thing, that's what stuck in my mind. But I admit I didn't go back and read all 300 some odd posts to find how it all started. I will say that as an NJ resident, I consider Northern NJ an NYC suburb in a way that CT isn't. For area residents, NJ is probably what pops in our heads first when we think of NYC suburbs.

-Deb

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 2:17pm
I guess I consider our town to be a NY suburb because 58% of the working population works in the city. Of course, that's the 58% for whom commuting is definitely worth it! My husband commuted for a year - 2 hours and 15 minutes one way to downtown. It's brutal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 2:20pm
No, we are just confused since every other person on here is discussing the original post. The whole basis of the discussion was in relation to whether it was possible or not possible for trip to be working 5 days a week as a sub. You seem to think it was a side discussion, and maybe you thought it was, but it was never clarified until very recently that you *weren't* talking about that. So either there are 60 very sophomoric and undereducated idiots replying to you or... hmmm not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 2:20pm
Well,there's a poster at CD on PP who posts from a school in TX.Guess she's a big liar,too.I guess my mom imagined popping back home on her lunch hour to watch her show when she subbed.Guess I imagined having a conversation with my neighbors sister who walked over on her lunch hour at our neighborhood school.Guess I missed the part where *presentable* subs are so easy to come by, because so many college degreed people are available on ten minutes notice for the day.

Good grief.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 2:22pm
Isn't it funny how the assertion that trip is making this all up and researching etc is totally outrageous sounding and her stated situation is much more believable. Makes you wonder who's off the deep end....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 5:20pm
Except those of us that live in CT (especially Fairfield county) consider that they, too, are "suburbs" or bedroom communities for NYC. Of course, for YOUR area residents, NJ would come to mind first. I imagine if you ask OUR CT residents, their answer would be CT -- and guess what??? BOTH would be correct.

eileen

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