Am I a doormat? What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Am I a doormat? What would you do?
1139
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm
This is my first post here, but I need some help from strangers. Here is my problem. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 children who are 10 & 12. I have always worked part-time since the kids were born, and was making a good salary (30K), for 2 days work/week. I had a great job that allowed me to pay my car payment, groceries, clothes for me and the kids, and for little extras. My husband paid all the other bills.

Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.

Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.

I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?

I welcome all opinions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 5:23pm
NO, actually it means that those that A$$ume make an A$$ out of U and ME.....at least that's how we learned it when we were growing up. I didn't realize it had a different meaning.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 5:32pm
Just a few notes....

In CT, one can not teach without a teaching certificate and a Bachelor's degree, however in order to substitute teach one only needs a Bachelor's degree.

As for hiring, i think districts split evenly even within the district. Some want only those with Bachelor's degree, but many have no issue with hiring Master's degreed candidates (even though they're more money) since they bring yet another layer/level of education and experience to the table. It is also a fact that hiring a candidate who has only a Bachelor's degree means that in addition to working full time, they are also completing the First Year teacher's BEST Program (required in CT for permanent certification), as well as going to school for their Master's...THAT's alot on a young teacher's plate.

<>

Actually, i've seen JUST the OPPOSITE with the majority of the candidates hired in our district. they are coming in with Master's Degrees....and have not nearly priced themselves out of a teaching job. Still way cheaper than the retired teacher making $75K.

Eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 5:42pm
I dont think anyone ever questioned needing a teaching certificate to get hired as a TEACHER. But in MOST STATES you do NOT need a teaching certificate to sub. That was the premise of this whole thread, was it not????

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 6:49pm
right. lauren is my sister and has been talking about this board to me for years, since her kids were very little. i joined in the debate around august or sept of last year and she had about four years on me then. she has never trolled, as she has too much sense for that behavior, and truly enjoys the people, as well as the debates on this board. thanks for your comments, as she is as credible as you can get, and does not deserve to be spoken to the way she has in this thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 6:51pm
"I dodn't work for a dot com. Do you know what IT is?"

Well since you didn't work for a dotcom and I did, I imagine I am rather familiar with what IT is :)

You are right of course that there are little fish and big fish. I worked for one of the big fish, one of the major four national media companies. There simply weren't the big dollars in it in our market, which is why the salaries weren't as big, except for those the directors took for themselves, of course :) It astounds me that such salaries were paid, and as the bust showed, that return was totally unjustified. (I was community producer for the women's network attached to this particular media outlet.)

pax

Jane

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 8:56pm
Thanks, sis! But don't worry about me. It really doesn't bother me when things get hot. I just stop responding because some strangers on internet boards are just not worth my time, they're not worth worrying about and they don't have a clue about my life.

I've never claimed to be a great debater and if strangers on an internet board want to judge me by my debating skills or lack thereof, oh well! Like I care to change their minds! LOL!

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 9:00pm
Oh, I don't wonder at all! ;-) (nt)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 9:17pm
And i always find it fascinating that our district consistently hires 30-40 NEW teachers every year -- and they have for each of the last 10 years.

eileen

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 9:25pm
And they can still be dead wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:33pm
Exactly. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. Sorry if that wasn't clear!

 

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