Am I a doormat? What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Am I a doormat? What would you do?
1139
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm
This is my first post here, but I need some help from strangers. Here is my problem. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have 2 children who are 10 & 12. I have always worked part-time since the kids were born, and was making a good salary (30K), for 2 days work/week. I had a great job that allowed me to pay my car payment, groceries, clothes for me and the kids, and for little extras. My husband paid all the other bills.

Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.

Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.

I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?

I welcome all opinions.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-22-2003 - 10:33pm
I'm not saying it's not a suburb... just saying there are some NJ folks here... and we probably think North Jersey when we hear "NYC suburb."

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 8:13am
That's the only meaning I know of too!
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 8:33am
Deleted because I'm just not going to say what I was thinking.... Nope, won't go there.


Edited 5/23/2003 8:46:07 AM ET by laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 8:55am
god forbid, i'm not doubting you. honestly, i only came upon this because i was trying to get a sense of how many teachers there are in the entire state, in order to ask a more question about whether the student population was growing or whether teachers were turning over (exiting or retiring). the study answered my questions, and i've just linked it here because you might find it interesting--and to again bolster my repeated reminder that alaska is exceptional, which is a theme that is repeated again and again in this discussion of teacher retention and mobility. http://www.iser.uaa.alaska.edu/Publications/FINAL%20Teacher%20S-D%2012_18.pdf
Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 11:55am
Most school districts in the US? Really?

Okay, maybe I have only lived in wierd places, but in Austin, TX, Dallas, TX, Fort Worth, TX, almost any city in between and around DFW, TX, Miami, FL, anywhere near Dad County, FL, you don't need a teaching certificate to get hired.

In fact, in TX, you need only 90 college hours with a C average or better to sub. And as I type, DISD (Dallas Ind. School District) is conducting alertantive certification classes because there are simply not enough certified teachers to place. And these are not rough hoodlum infested unsafe schools in the Barrios. Every single year there is a teacher shortage in Dallas. (and here, teachers make anywhere from areound 35K to 50+K, which in Dallas will be a decent living, especially if you have a two-income family).

Maybe you should send all of your qualified grads who cannot get jobs to Dallas.

Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 12:00pm
And in many places, there are measures in place to allow one to get a certificate without having to have a BSE or other education credential from college.

One thing about schools, since they are subject to local control and regulation, they are basically no standard platitudes that can be said about requirments, jobs, pay, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 12:55pm
What details are you missing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 1:05pm
None. You are the one missing the details - about me and what I could or could not have purchased, invested, etc. You insist that we can't live comfortably without my salary but you couldn't possibly know that without knowing all of our financial details. Maybe we made a million dollars in stock options during the internet boom. You aren't going to know either.

Bottom line is, you don't what you're talking about, and you're making way too many assumptions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 4:12pm
Oh, I know many things. One of them being, that you presented a typical scenario, with a typical array of details.

The reason you presented the details that you did, was that you were sure they would support the scenario which you put forth. There was no other reason, whatsoever, for you to present any of them.

But oops. They didn't so now you have to pretend that there are more mysterious ones lurkig. Whatever. Better luck (research???) next time.

BTW, you are showing your....issues. Why would a guy who made a million dollars in one year, turn around and buy a million dollar home? That would be craziness. And he wasn't crazy. Its just wild how the world of reality differs from yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 05-23-2003 - 5:22pm
And i already STATED that MY school has well over 100 teachers. Is it too difficult for you to imagine that on any given day, not all of them are there??? Is it hard to imagine in a school our size (and throw in the high school with even more than 100 teachers) that she couldn't work every day?

I'm telling you, that in my district it is ENTIRELY possible and probable. In fact, this year, odd though it is, we even have subs for the last day of school because several staff members made plans that couldn't be changed (plane reservations) and the last snow day put them over the limit....

Yes. it is entirely possible. Did you know that some inner city districts even offer a full-time Substitute Position at a full first year teacher's salary???? Yes, quite probable she could work every day.

eileen

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