Am I a doormat? What would you do?
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| Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm |
Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.
Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.
I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?
I welcome all opinions.

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I think what your Husband may be feeling is the fact he has a hard time with carrying the family's financial obligations. My Husband makes about half of what your Husband makes. We have had this conversation as well. I would suggest to talk to him and explain what your 'JOB' entails during the day. Sometimes men feel they do not want their wives 'doing nothing" while they work very hard every day.My husband has realized my life's focus has shifted now. Explain to your Husband that what's best for you right now is to be a Full Time Mom for the summer and you will return to Sub teaching in the Fall. Remind him that you are also running the house and you are working with him in every way you can. Also mention you still love him very much and you need this right now.
Good Luck.
Michele
I've been married for 18 years also....and I have a real hard time understanding how you both handle your money.
He is upset paying "your" car payment?????
In my 18 years of marriage, I have never heard, nor uttered "Your's or mine" with my wife. It has always been, and always will be "Ours".
Your husband makes a considerable amount of money....Why is it so important to him that you work?
My wife does not work. Our thoughts were "Yeah, we could surely use the extra money, but we both wanted someone to raise our kids (aka, NOT a Nanny, an au-paire etc). We do without all the extra's (New cars, toys and such), but it is worth it as far as we are concerned.....
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My husband is the same way ! It is a man thing, I can't understand his thoughts in the matter either. I lost my job a while back, I focused on buying a house in another state, because he was getting transfered. We would of never made the move without my "work" at home to get where we are. I have three kids, they are teenagers, however, they are needy and can not seem to make it at home without me. I too worked part time for a while, and the house falls apart. I would do what I want, I do now, I am smart enough to know how to shop and make it on what my husband makes. It is important to save what you can, that gives us something to fall back on just in case.
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