Am I a doormat? What would you do?
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| Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm |
Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.
Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.
I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?
I welcome all opinions.

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Of course I realize you will never see that, but it remains the same of how we see it and how we are providing what our kids do deserve in our opinions and how we decided to raise our family upon starting one.
My being a housewife is a decision WE made. My husband and I. Before marriage. At that time we also felt future children we should have did DESERVE a sahm. There were many other reasons WE as husband and wife chose for me to be a housewife, and yes, one of those was because that was my desire to do this for a lifetime. But that is only a part of it, we still felt our family DESERVED it.
You see it otherwise but you cannot dictate how we see it and how we came upon the decision OUR kids DESERVE a parent at home all the time. You can try, you cannot succeed.
I'm sure there are other things we feel our kids DESERVE and you'd disagree. But for this family and house, again, your opinions would not be valid.
My sah status is all about preference. While it is ONE factor, there are others, including DESERVING children in this house.
If kids deserved what their parents choose to have in their lives, we wouldn't need social services, now would we? Your argument is silly. Kids don't deserve something just because mom and dad want it. I have a sister who thinks her dd's don't need an education because girls don't need a diploma to make babies. According to your logic, this means my neices don't deserve an education. What my sister wants and deems appropriate has nothing to do with what my neices deserve. They are totally separate issues.
My husband and I have a long list of things WE feel OUR kids DESERVE. They are OUR list for OUR kids and no need to apply to other families. But they are things we talked about before marriage, before pregnancy, and we continue to think about and include.
My preference to SAH is not the OVERALL picture. Even if I didn't PREFER to Sah, I'd sah for awhile because the kids deserve it (my kids) then I'd go to work. But it just so happens that isn't the the lifestyle my husband and I decided on for us.
Your kids DESERVE whatever you DEEM they DESERVE. Only you can answer that one for your kids. Just as my husband and I can only answer for our kids.
Sorry, there are alot of things PARENTS themself feel THEIR kids DESERVE and it IS based on the PARENTS DECISION. That is the way it is in THIS house. Period.
No, your arguement is the silly one (like all of your postings, I'm rotflol at your so called logic that does NOT apply to everyone, just to you).
You'll never understand, never. You have a narrow view and can only see things in your small view instead of seeing the big picture.
ITA with you and your last question. The FACT is she doesn't get to decide (that is probably the problem, no control there over other people lol)
We see what is best way and right way to raise our kids and only we can make that decision for our family.
We will just have to agree to disagree, again.
It has nothing to do with being special. It has everything to do with deciding what YOUR own kids deserve. Period.
End of conversation.
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