Am I a doormat? What would you do?
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| Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm |
Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.
Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.
I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?
I welcome all opinions.

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Edited 6/6/2003 5:39:51 PM ET by cyndiluwho
Edited 6/6/2003 5:38:28 PM ET by cyndiluwho
No one is denying anybody anything. But I think the word deserve is used incorrectly in this case. If they truly feel that their children deserve (not just want) something that children universally don't or can't have, then they are saying that their children are more special than the average child. Again, it is certainly a parent's right to choose to have a SAHP, but it is certainly not something that every child deserves.
You'll never understand because you come from a whole different line of thinking and way of living. There is nothing comparable btw the way our life style is and how yours is. But that is life, that is the way it should be. We are all individuals pursuing our own dreams and deciding what is best and right for our own families.
Maybe you don't feel that way for your kids, but that is how you feel and how you are raising your family. Doesn't apply here no matter how hard you try to make it.
Your philosophy on life doesn't apply to us all (thank goodness for THAT).
When we decided to have children, we felt OUR kids did DESERVE a sahm (even had I not wanted to be one, I would have been one for awhile because of feeling this way. Just so happens I desire to be a lifetimer housewife all my life).
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