Am I a doormat? What would you do?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm |
Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.
Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.
I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?
I welcome all opinions.

Pages
I'm sure there are things you feel your children deserve that I'd whole-heartedly disagree with and vice versa. That doesn't make either one of us wrong, just different views on life in general and how we see best fit to raise our kids.
And if your world is so much larger than Cindi's small one, I find it hard to believe that you are unable to see the difference.
We are who we are and we must continue living our lives as we see best for us and our families.
And you are not qualified to say what my feelings are and how I should or should not live by them. I'd never in a million years tell you to change the way you live because I respect your right to live, choose, and do as you see best.
To me the beaten scenario doesn't even apply.
I'm talking about kids deserving things like college education, sah, etc. And I can ONLY speak for my kids. I wouldn't dare tell you what is best for your kids, no way in you know where would I even think of telling another parent what is best for their kids, that is plainly wrong IMHO
Would my children deserve a sahm if it meant my husband and I were at odds with each other? That we were struggling financially? That we couldn't afford a nice home, and good schools for them? No, they deserve the BEST we can give them....and that is determined by what works best for that family.
Loved your posting.
Pages