Am I a doormat? What would you do?
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| Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm |
Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.
Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.
I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?
I welcome all opinions.

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My logic has nothing to do with your kids. Only you can provide or not provide what you deem appropriate, deserving, etc. for your own kids. I would never even pretend to tell you how to live your life, raise your kids, or what your kids do or don't deserve. That would be wrong, very wrong.
My kids (I can only speak for MY 2 boys) deserve to have a mother at home 24/7, to play with them all day, to be the one taking them to the park, preparing their meals, cuddling and snuggling with them, taking naps with them, attending story time, museum, swim lessons with them.
These are what we feel our kids, ours cindy OURS BEING THE KEY WORD deserve.
I cannot and will not deem what is necessary, what is deserving, or how you raise your kids. That would be wrong.
I have many reasons for being a WM, does that mean my kids deserve a WM? No, it just means that being a WM is how I choose to meet my kids needs. What they deserve doesn't change based on my preferences.
I know people here in Kentucky that believe their kids DESERVE (they used the word, not me) private school over public. I've heard people here irl say their kids DESERVE to be breastfed because they are pro-bfing believers. But I have to disagree. It isn't universal, it is a personal parenting choice.
Your problem is it makes SAH seem more important to say your kids deserve it and you can't let go of that.
I can't tell you why you deem your kids deserve a working mother. Maybe it is because you feel you are a better mother working outside the home (I know people who feel this way). Maybe it is because you can provide things for your family you couldn't if you sah (again, personal issue).
I place no value on housewife/sah for any other family or household outside of the walls of this house. How can I? I can only live my life with my husband and my kids.
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