Am I a doormat? What would you do?
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| Tue, 05-13-2003 - 3:57pm |
Last fall I lost my great job, my field is saturated, so to keep busy and still make money, I started substitute teaching. As a result I now work 5 days a week, make only 10K a year, let my housecleaner go, so I'm working harder than ever and making less money. My husband is now making my car payment as I can't afford it, and he is doing this with a lot of resentment. I can barely afford groceries and clothes, but so far this system has been working.
Now the problem, summer is coming and I want to stay home. I won't be able to substitute, and I have no desire to pound the pavement. I want to stay home with the kids and work on the myriad of projects left undone over the years. Here's the kicker, I don't want to beg my husband for money, which I know I'll have to do. He earns a good salary (175K plus bonus, but no bonus this year due to bad economy). Our mortgage payment in total is $2600, we have 2 leased cars, no other debt, considerable savings (kids college is all saved for), yet my husband thinks I should find a job! Is he being unreasonable, or am I? I don't spend money, I'm pretty frugal, shop at TJ Maxx, etc. and am very low maintenance.
I am angry to the point of considering leaving him. I think it's incredibly selfish of him to "make" me work for the summer when we are quite capable of paying our bills and saving just on his salary. I have no qualms about returning to subbing in the fall and even going for my master's for a permanent teaching job - I really love it, but his attitude is frankly stunning. By the way, I am the ONLY one of our female friends, neighbors or aquaintances who works, most spend the summer (and all year round for that matter)playing tennis and shopping. What do you suppose his problem is? Or am I being unreasonable?
I welcome all opinions.

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It has nothing to do with what I do or don't choose on these topics as deserving for my own 2.
you *want* your children to have a sahm, but they dont necessarily "deserve" it. whether we deserve something or not, has nothing to do with what we want.
the definition of deserve is: to be worthy of, fit, or suitable for some reward or requital.
you are saying you sah because your children are suitable for that award. why? isnt it just a position you chose just because it "fits" your family in general? do you sah only because your children deserve it? do you think my children deserve a sahm? for the record i dont, because im not good at it. im a better mom, wife, person in general while woh.
i think you and clw are looking at the word "deserve" from two different angles, and using it in two different contexts, and she hears what you are saying, but you are not hearing what she is saying.
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