Another wedding question

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Another wedding question
3
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 12:00pm
Since this seems to be the "wedding" board lately. I am going to post this here. I am getting married on October 4th. We are having a "big" wedding. With the white dress and all. I have a five year old and neither of us have been married before. (I know some of you think this may be tacky. Oh well, you are not paying for it. wink)

Here is my question.

My former good friend and I had a fallout at another friend's wedding. (We were both bridesmaids) Basically, I am angry at her because she "planned" to treat my FI and I poorly at this wedding. If we would have gotten into an argument at the wedding I would understand her behavior. But because she had stewed and planned on this it so a very vindictive personality. (I had even given her the chance to talk to me and asked her about three months earlier if she was upset with me)

While this sounds very "High School" and "Melrose Place" here is my dilemma. She is no longer going to be a bridesmaid. That is for certain. While I understand that we are different people and are different places in our life.....I still wish we could be friends. She was a wonderful support asset to me when I found myself single and pregnant. I would hate to shut off six years of friendship over this behavior.

Should I invite her to the wedding? Or do you think it would be viewed as, "Send me a gift" greedy behavior on my part? I want it to be an "olive branch" to her, well that is MY intention.

I am tempted to just write off the friendship and move on. But the other part of me wants to make some effort.

I guess the mature thing to do is "make up" before the wedding. But I am still hurt and wary of her. I know that if she isn't invited to the wedding she will write the friendship off forever.

Oh for those that don't know I am "IUBLONDIE25" I got banned about four months ago. (For no good reason) and had to get a new name.

I am not a lurker, troll or 16. I am looking for opinions.

Flame me if you want....but if you are mean and not helpful, don't expect much of a response. Yes, I realize this is a debate board. And feel free to debate it.

Blondie

Marcie  

DH: Jay (34)  DS: Mason (5)

http://home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 12:46pm
You already know the answer to this question -- it's right here in your post: "I guess the mature thing to do is "make up" before the wedding. But I am still hurt and wary of her. I know that if she isn't invited to the wedding she will write the friendship off forever."

If you are wary of her before the wedding, why aren't you wary of her AT the wedding? What are you really hoping -- that you will do the "right thing" and invite her and she will decline and you can thereafter at least say, "Well, I tried to fix the friendship..." Because if you really want to fix the friendship, it's going to take more than an easy gesture like popping an invitation into the mail. And if you don't want to fix the friendship, admit it and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 1:07pm
ITA
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 2:37pm
I agree, Lois!