AP, BF, & Cosleeping, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
AP, BF, & Cosleeping, etc.
106
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:03pm
Somehow, the debate in another thread got turned towards the topic of co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and attachment parenting, etc...

I'd like to put my 2 cents in, since the topic isn't dying out, and there's a grand amount of subversive, unncessesary guilt being thrown around.

At this point, we have no intention of co-sleeping with any of our future children. I cherish the privacy & space my DH & I have in our bedroom & in our bed. I also have a sleeping disorder & DH is a very heavy sleeper so it would not be feasible, safe, or reasonable to do so; so we won't.

At this point, I feel that I will want to breastfeed, however, if either the child doesn't want to, or can't, or I don't want to when the time comes, or can't, I won't. Formula feeding is acceptable to me, it will give DH the opportunity to bond through feeding, and will allow for more freedom for all of us.

At this point, we plan to both be working from home when we have a child. We believe it is healthy for a child to see & healthy for both parents to have other persuits & interests & talents outside of solely child care & child entertainment. If we want to have an evening/afternoon out without children, we'll hire a babysitter. Children don't need to be secured to the hip of their parents 24/7 in order to be well adjusted & attached.

My point being, that no matter what "method" of parenting you choose, no one is better than any other, so long as your children are fed, clothed, cleaned, sheltered, and LOVED.

Frankly, I'm quite tired of the suggestion that a parent must do everything possible to be a SAH, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, child-centered parent in order to be a good parent; and that anything less than the above list is in someway selfish or wrong, and should be corrected, lest you produce dysfunctional children. Its bunk. Everyone does what they feel is right & best to care for their children, and no two children are the same; no two parents are the same; so no way ONE type of child rearing & family structure will work for everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:05pm
Don't post this on the AP board!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:17pm
Well, I have never considered myself an attachment parent. I breastfed for over 6 months with both children. I might have done it longer but I could not stand being bitten. Ouch! My children both slept with us. Zak did until he was 4 and Alex is still in bed with us at 20 months. It is not from some parental theory but because I can not stand to hear him screaming. We put him in the crib last night and he cried from 9 until 10:30. Not only did he cry but he screamed. It was awful. I hate it. So he slept with us and I am sore today. He slept with his head in my ribs.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:17pm
>>>Don't post this on the AP board!!

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You bet.

Well, its sort of like an AP proponent coming on to a WAH/SAH debate board & extolling the virtues of AP...and/or, ahem, making those who don't buy into it feel like they are somehow less of a parent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:21pm
The wonderful world of mommy wars. Doesn't it just make a warm place in your heart? I did it this way so everyone has to do it this way. Look at how my child turned out-she's wonderful and it is because of me!

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:33pm
You said that beautifully.

We did not co-sleep, tried BF and it didn't work out, and DH and I both WOH FT. Our boys are beautiful, healthy, happy and LOVED, LOVED, LOVED.

Our boys know that we aren't perfect and sometimes we yell, but we always LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them. Our boys know that we make mistakes and will admit to them, but we LOVE them.

People have different parenting styles, and it's not a contest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:41pm
I dont think I've ever met anyone irl who really thinks you have to do all that to be a good parent. Like I said before, I always say you eat a lot of crow after you become a parent. I'm not one to judge anyone else for their parenting choices (abusive choices aside of course, not talking extremes) as long as they are doing their best and their kids are happy and well-cared for.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:56pm
These issues are what sucked me into this debate in the frst place. When I had my first baby, I started to hear about and learn about AP. A lot of it appealed to me, but I always felt I wasn't measuring up to the AP ideal beacause I WOH. I did feel guilty, and I felt personally attacked and defensive whenever people made some casual comment about WOH/SAH issues.

Eight years and another child later, I've mellowed a lot. I still like some of the AP ideas, but I am not one to see anything in black and white. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and there is something of value in most parenting philosophies even though you might not buy the whole thing.

Here's an example from my own life. I am very much pro BF, and I BF one child for over a year and the other for two years. However, the LeLechers would cringe. DS, the one who BF for two years, also refused to drink breastmilk from a bottle. After several days where he drank nothing during the day at DC, I had his caregivers try formula. He slurped it up. So from then on, (for a over a year), he drank formula at DC and continued to nurse when he was with me.

Dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 4:37pm
>>>>You said that beautifully.

We did not co-sleep, tried BF and it didn't work out, and DH and I both WOH FT. Our boys are beautiful, healthy, happy and LOVED, LOVED, LOVED.

Our boys know that we aren't perfect and sometimes we yell, but we always LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them. Our boys know that we make mistakes and will admit to them, but we LOVE them.

People have different parenting styles, and it's not a contest.

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Thanks! So did you! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 10:05pm
LOL!! its like jr high, cyberspace cat fights!! ROFLMAO and in the end, it just doesnt matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 10:19pm
excellent post!! it kind of reminds me of the one otbm posted a day or two ago about labels. using your acronyms, i am a woh, but sah with the kids when they were preschool age. i bf each one for two months, ds1 exclusively until i figured out he wasnt getting enough, so i started (gasp) formula from then on, dd bf for two months with formula supplements during the day, and ds2 about half and half(no pun intended!!LOL)the first two months and formula from whomever was available to hold the bottle for him from then on. i simply did not produce enough milk to maintain the kids, and pulling my hooters out and putting them back was a major hassle in itself!! and half the time i was worried they would smother the baby. bf was not enjoyable for me at all.

co-sleeping: didnt start out co-sleeping, but as the kids got older and could get out of the crib/bed, they would wander in during the night, and we would just move over, as long as they went back to sleep. they quit doing it on their own eventually. it just never bothered us, as a matter of fact(watch all the histeria) our dd slept between us on vacation last week because she forgot her blanket and it was cold in nj. LOL. if we can sleep comfortably, it just doesnt bother us to have them in bed with us.

attachment parenting: i dont think it was invented when i had my babies!!LOL but after learning what it is, and thinking back, i did some but not completely.

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