Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

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Andrea...
mom
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Her argument is NOT that she understands why WOHM choose to do so. It is that WOHM who choose to work is wrong. She has plainly stated numerous times that she thinks WOHM who choose to work are wrong. Well, I think she is a hypocrite for judging WOHM who choose to work when her OWN husband works double that. THAT's the debate. Who cares how much her husband works. I certainly don't. BUT the reason it is brought into the debate is to use as an illustration as to how judgemental she is of CWOHM yet it's OK for her Husband.
That's it. That's all there is to it. If she want to come on a debate board she needs to be prepared to debate her position. Her debate is lame because she doesn't debate. She whines that people are putting words in her mouth, she changes the story aroung to suit her needs, and likes to go around in circles because she refuses to see the points out there. She might just learn something if she quit being so defensive.
And for the record she was a smart ass long before any of this took off. Her rude remark to Almostfreeofthree was the first in a series. So please spare me the witchhunt drama.
Geez.....I've been around a long time lurking and posting. If you are going to say things that are inflammatory (like WOHM's who CHOOSE to work are WRONG) then you better put your flameproof undies on and DEBATE and be prepared to back it up.
If you want everyone to agree with you - Go to a Playgroup Board.
Jenn
Your wife made some very nasty judgements about women who choose to WOH FT when they have small children. She has deduced that anyone who is making more money than required to simply provide the minimum standard of living obviously is working in order to provide "extras" which are valued more than children.
She has done this while blithely ingoring the fact that you are away from your child much, much longer than a FT WOHM is, and are making money beyond what is required to provide the minimum standard of living.
Do you not see the hypocricy here?
I have to work. I see no reason why I should restrict myself to a minimum wage job just to avoid the appearance of working for "things". One salary alone does not support our family, even at the most basic standard of living. But it comes close. Over the years, I've posted my financials several times, and not ONE "you could SAH if you really wanted to" poster has been able to explain how we could manage on one salary, without that salary being more than either DH or I could bring in. We don't have an extra $15,000 or so we could shave off our budget; neither dh nor I is in any position to suddenly make the leap in salary it would take to bring home that $15,000. But I bring home considerably more than that, so we do have two cars (one fairly new, since our old one was flooded in tropical storm Allison a couple of years ago), a house big enough for all three of our children (1800 sq ft) and I don't have to shop at garage sales and thrift stores.
According to your wife, this means that I have chosen money and things above my children. Think you can manage to explain to her what a pile of dung that is?
BTW, my sister DOES work for the "extras". She, like I, loves to travel and considers it an intergral part of her life. Her husband is a teacher, and doesn't make loads of $$$ (see, he does what he does because he likes helping kids, see the difference), so she works so that they can maintain a nicer standard of living, and go on those trips that as she says, make life worth living. She also is proud of and enjoys her lovely home that she helps to pay for. For her, scraping by with no travel, in a tiny house, etc, wouldn't be living, it would be existing, and I don't blame her for wanting more.
Susan
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