Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:12am
Why do I bother? Go get a dictionary and look up the word institutionalized. Then maybe you will understand.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:22am
Nope, you gathered wrong, dear! He'll be retired by the time DS is 10, in nine years (actually 8.5, if want to be technical since DS will turn 10 28 days after DH turns 40).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:26am
Let me give you a couple of scenarios:

What if dad works 80 hours a week, and mom SAH. Dad makes far more than what is needed to survive on, aside from college funds, retirement funds and charitable contributions. Let;s say that beyond those things, he is still bringing in a sizeable chunk of change, so he buys a Benz and the family heads off to Europe for a vacation. Is that good or bad?


Neither mom nor dad make enough for the family to live on one income, so both have to WOH. However, both mom and dad are professional and have good jobs taht bring in a good salary, but not enough for one to SAH. Also, neither job requires more than 40 hours a week. Because the bottom line is they both must work, and because they are both making decent money, they can afford a Beemer and trip to Europe. Good or bad?

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:30am
Okay, that's your experience. OTHO, I know of several tots DS's age (children of WOHM and SAHM) who solely prefer mommy. I had a dear friend who a WOHM and her son wanted nothing to do with daddy AT THIS AGE...he wanted mommy for everything.

I've said all along that I expect that to change when DS gets a bit older.

And FWIW, my ped and parent educator both refer to toddler separation anxiety/parental preference as developmental stages...I guess I'll inform them that THEY'RE wrong b/c someone on the internet insists it's a personality thing. C

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:30am
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Hope you're not a WOHM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:33am
(1) Because I am who he wants. (2)And right now I do the things that matter most to him: the majority of diaper changes, feeding, playing, teaching, bathing, etc. That's why I think my role is more important than DH's at this time. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:34am
But if children don't remember anything before the age of 2 (your pal mom2gigi says kids don't really remember anything before 10, LOL), then why would you have a problem with a WOHM who works, even if it's just for "things"? If the kid can't remember, what difference would it make?

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:36am
No, it doesn't. It means you are working to survive. If you can't survive on one income, you obviously don't fall into the category of women I'm debating about. I've clearly stated more than once that I don't have a problem with that, but everyone has their panties in such a wad, they can't seem to figure that out. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:38am
Again, your opinion. I know my marriage will work b/c DH and I are committed to making it work. Although, if I'm not "old enough" to post that here, you're welcome to check back with me in 20 years and see for yourself how DS and the marriage have turned out. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 10:39am
I don't think it's a problem of understanding. The problem is that you haven't clarified what difference it makes to the children what the parent is working *for*. If there's no difference, than what exactly are you debating.

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