Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

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It seems like IRL, and in MY reality especially, I'm in the majority.
Oh and cosleeping, that topic was amusing. Not a chance. They all thought it was a fate worse than death. I'm not being rude, I'm just telling you what my friend's perception of the concept was.
It is my job as their parent to meet their needs as they are not fully capable of fully meeting those needs themselves. These needs include cognitive, medical, physical, social, and emotional.
While I will not be running a short order kitchen (I've already addressed that allegation), I do think it's my job to adapt to my children's needs while they are children, as opposed to THEM being expected to adapt to mine.
As they grow and mature they are expected to meet some of their own physical needs in an age-appropriate manner, such as getting a snack for themselves.
My oldest already knows that she bears some responsibility for meeting SOME simple needs of her youngest sibling, such as getting him a snack if she is doing so for herself.
The fact that this concept flew over your head. . .you've already illustrated the fact that meeting your children's needs isn't necessarily one of your priorities if the need arises at an inconvenient time for you.
My kids had a set bedtime until they were in high school.
My sisters son has never had a set bedtime.
My brothers kids have never had a set bedtime.
So in my little poll, I, with a set bedtime am in the minority.
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Each to his own, I suppose. I don't think Birkenstocks are ugly at all. But, thanks for the clarification...at least to that part of your post.
As a teacher I've learned how to prepare a lesson plan and then adapt that plan, as needed, based upon what I'm 'reading' or observing from the classroom. . .be it a class of adults or children.
Not all teachers have that skill. . .I've seen preschool teachers kill themselves over story time trying to get through the book, when it is obvious to everyone but them that the children are NOT interested in the book. Some teachers feel that the child should LEARN to follow the schedule even if they aren't interested. . .ie, story time is 20 minutes long whether you like it or not.
Too often adults feel that children should accomodate OUR time tables instead of the adult reading the cues of the child and flexing the schedule as necessary.
As to the amt. of my influence over DS SAH vs. WOH, I only state this:
DS wakes around 7:30am, naps from 11:30am-1:30pm, then is down for the night by 7pm. If I WOH, I would spend maybe 2 hours with him per day, not counting our commute to the sitter. Let's see, 10.5 waking hours per day or 2...not a difficult choice for me to make! And yes, as an educator, I saw the familial impact on EC development. I also saw the impact of daycare, as I also worked in the district-run daycare facility for a time. There was no question that I would SAH w/my kids.
Christi
Christi
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