Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:26pm
EXACTLY my feelings. i love being near my kids. dh and i had plenty of "alone time" when they were growing up, so if they wanted to sleep by us, SO WHAT. i just dont see the big issue.

while we were on vacation with my parents last month, my dad gets up very early, and my dd did too. when she saw pop-pop was up, she crawled into the bed with my mom. my dd is almost 20yo!! my mom loved that dd wanted to scoot in there. i think it is sweet as she doesnt get to see her gran much, and wanted to go back to sleep, and there was a cozy spot opened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:27pm
PPPFFFTTTTTT! Sarcasm duly noted. You're awfully defensive...feeling guilty, maybe?

Christi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:31pm
Once again, you're misinterpreting. And, I beleive, doing so in order that your arguments work.

None of us let our children set their own bedtimes. We simply allow our children some input, be it verbal, be it physical cues, whatever, into what that bedtime is.

I set my child's bedtime. However, I do so after observing how she reacts to said bedtime. If I put her to bed at 8pm and she's up by 5:30 every morning .. I'll move it to 9pm. If I put her to bed at 8pm and I have to try 2-3 times to get her up in the morning (as you said yourself you have to do for one of your kds) then I'll move it to 7pm.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:31pm
omg, i couldnt agree with you more. i feel like i had my oldest about maybe 11 years ago. hes going to be 21!! in two weeks. i cant BELIEVE it!! i just cant believe it!! it went so fast, but let me tell you something. i grabbed those kids and got kisses and hugs (and even took a bite of the cheeks when i could!LOL) every chance i had and im glad i did. my mom sent me pictures of us at thanksgiving and christmas and im the shortest. all my kids are taller than i am, and i feel like they should still be maybe 9, 13 and 14.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:32pm
roflmaopmp!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:34pm
Oh trip? Did you ignore this post? Or just not see it? I seem to feel that several (many) posts on here have been ignored when we eitehr hit a sore spot, or say something you have no silly misinterpretation to respond with.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:37pm
nope. you still dont get it. if the kids are not in there every night, and they come in SOMETIMES during the night, how is that a problem having sex???? you dont get it. i dont think there is anything wrong with them all in the bed every night, but it doesnt happen here. my kids are probably the sleepingest kids ive ever met, but if they get up to go to the bathroom(how bizarre!), instead of going back to their own bed, they might have come into ours. SO WHAT!! if we were having sex the door would be shut and locked. helloooooo, we dont do it without taking precaution of having our kids walk in. what is so hard about this???

we say sometimes, and you have all five of us in bed every night with not ever getting "alone time" or having sex. that is bizarre. if you kept it at what it is, it would be easy to understand!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:39pm
a very easy concept for me to understand. what is the complication here???? we have always had the same pattern as you. simple enough.....i thought..LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:41pm
and im the queen of sarcasm, but im not nasty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:41pm
ya know? I too think birkenstocks are ugly (especially when worn with socks, lol) but anyone who'd pay more than about $100 for a pair of shoes (mine all come from payless! lol $20 is my limit!) is NUTSO!

Besides, wouldn't that $3000 be better spent on one's kids?

Hollie

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