Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 9:43pm
**Do you and the kids sit together for meals, even if not everyone is hungry? Do you care if they want a snack while you are making dinner and possibly going to ruin their appetite?**

Yes, the kids and I sit together for most meals. . .even if everyone isn't hungry. The kids aren't to get a snack while I'm cooking as that tends to mean that food is going to be ready in the near future.

Again, I'm talking about 3 meals and TWO snacks. Breakfast, mid-morning snack, Lunch, Mid-afternoon snack, and dinner. If my kids couldn't get their own snacks, I would follow their cues as to when they were ready for the mid-afternoon snack, for example. With group care, where it's more difficult to coordinate the needs of multiple children meals are more structured and fairly set time wise. . .but as the mom of 3 I don't have to be that structured.

Let me be more specific. . .on a weekend day we tend to eat breakfast between 9 and 10. . .or so, lunch is between 1 and 2-ish, and dinner is typically between 6:30 and 7:30. It's not that I don't have a rough schedule or that I'm a short order cook. . but if we're at the mall running errands and we don't get home for lunch until 2:30. . no fret, we eat a small lunch and go on with our day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 9:43pm
Okay, I did NOT leave the EC field b/c of the crappy parents or anything else. I left the EC field to SAH. Period.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 9:44pm
>>>ya know? I too think birkenstocks are ugly (especially when worn with socks, lol) but anyone who'd pay more than about $100 for a pair of shoes (mine all come from payless! lol $20 is my limit!) is NUTSO!

Besides, wouldn't that $3000 be better spent on one's kids?

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HAHAHA...well, I love my birks & I wear them with socks, lol...but, socks are pretty much a necessity up here most of the year.

As for $100 pair of shoes, I have to say I have spent that much...but that pair lasted me for 5 YEARS.

Payless just falls apart up here...too much wetness. Unless I need a pair of shoes for a one-time or one-summer occasion (i.e. flip flops), I steer clear of Payless.

$3,000 though...yeah, that's plain RIDICULOUS...ESPECIALLY when you're talking about a pair of NON-functional, UNcomfortable HEELS for heaven's sake.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 9:46pm
And that's the best reason to do it. . .because you wanted to and are able to. . .hope you enjoy it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 9:46pm
>>>PPPFFFTTTTTT! Sarcasm duly noted. You're awfully defensive...feeling guilty, maybe?

Christi

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A little trolling, perhaps?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 9:49pm
My child doesn't know right now, but I imagine he'll figure it out someday. I did. As for your other arguments...PPPPPFFFFFTTTTTTT! I'd like for you to show me where in my OP I advocated doing any of that?

That's what I thought...C

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:18pm
Not at all, again, I was being facetious. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:19pm
I'm *extremely* hard on shoes. It doesn't matter what they cost, they last me about the same amount of time. So I buy cheap.

And I am definitely NOT a shoe fiend. If its comfortable and it matches? I wear it. In fact, I'd rather be barefoot. I daresay I probably have less shoes than almost anyone else on this board.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:23pm
>>>Not at all, again, I was being facetious. C

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Perhaps you should try a wink, instead of a thumbs-down, if kidding is your intention. In this format, its difficult to read a thumbs down as a joke or jest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:31pm
LMFAO, I may not agree with you on just about anything, but I have to hand it to you, you make this crap interesting! --->Dawn

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