Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 11:29pm
<>

Being in the majority doesn't give you a moral edge. Those in support of slavery used to be in the majority. Those opposed to voting rights for women used to be in the majority.

Neither does our position give *us* a moral edge, but then, none of us are claiming it does. We're simply discussing a viable, workable and functional ALTERNATIVE to your method. You're the one predicting doom, gloom and complete adult failure for our children, despite the fact that at least some of us already have grown children who have soundly disproved your Chicken Little theories.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 11:34pm
I just LOVE reading your posts. . .nft
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 2:52am
No, but many Alaskans make regular trips to cities that do have them. Actually I prefer Versus over Versace, even if *I* were rich I'd have a hard time spending that kind of $$ on shoes or clothes. Like I said, you are full of stupid generalizations about Alaska. Typical.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 3:08am
Well thats really not too surprising. Like follows like, and I'm sure that the small-minds crowd enjoys hanging out together....

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 3:32am
***Just curious, if he still comes in at 6 when dh is out of town, how old do you think he'll be before you'll have to put a stop to that?***

Why put a stop to it? My DD is 6 1/2, DS will be 5 this month, and they often sleep in our bed, either because they are scared, miss DH or myself, aren't feeling well, or just want to be with us. No biggie...in they go! As they have gotten older, they have spent more time in their own beds, and less in our beds. It has been by their choice, and upon their desire. When they are feeling more needy, they come to bed with us. Again, no biggie. Eventually, they WILL grow out of it, all on THEIR timetable...not mine or their dads or anyone elses.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 5:33am
Exactly. The schedule exists to serve the needs of the family. ALL of the family, not just the Mommy or just the Daddy.

and none of them exist to prop up a schedule just for the sake of saying you have one and you make everyone adhere to it. Adhering to a schedule just for the sake of saying you have a schedule and Mommy is in control is, in my opinion, stupid and pointless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 7:24am
I operate a family child care in my home and my policy is that while I operate from 6am thru 5pm the total amount of hours I enroll a child is no more than 9 in any day. But I do have a fee for children that are here each half hour beyond 9 hours and have yet to have any takers. In this business one should try very hard not to find fault with their clients over parenting skills unless there is obvious abuse and neglect of a child. One wouldn't have much business if that were the case.

I don't feel sorry for the children I care for, these kids are very loved. I care for an infant whose father died after he was conceived, two children of a professional couple, two children of a divorced mom, and two children of single moms. Two of the children coming are state subsidized. I would never assume what their incomes or home lives are like or how much they do or do not love their children relevant to the hours they attend ... all I do assume is they care enough to have their children coming here every day to my program and that they respect my policies.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:29am
"The fact that this concept flew over your head. . .you've already illustrated the fact that meeting your children's needs isn't necessarily one of your priorities if the need arises at an inconvenient time for you. "

Not true. What is my priority is teaching my children respect, respect for me and for others, and that their desires do not supercede anyone elses, therefore they will eat dinner when I serve it and not when they feel like it, they will not repeatedly wake me or anyone else in the house because they want company at night, that society runs on schedules and they need to adapt to those schedules rather than society adapting to them.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:31am
That's OK, I often feel like I've entered some sort of altered dimension when I travel to other parts of the country.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:31am
OOOOOH, you've used one of my hated buzzwords .. society.

Although respect for society is important (you can't go around flying in the face of it or you'll be miserable and probably land in jail), I can't stand the thought of raising my kids based on society. Makes me shudder.

Hollie

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