Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

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"I know your tired, but its your own doing. Its fine to be tired in the name of some fun, but if you can't manage to be pleasant the next day, you can go to your room where you won't be able to make us miserable along with yourself, because we have no intention of paying the price for your fun. We didn't have any and we didn't choose for you to be tired."
I'm confused though. With your "meet needs" thinking, why are you teaching your oldest that she only need expect to make a snack for a sibbling at a very convenient time - ie when she is making one for herself anyway? Why would you, with your philosophy, not be teaching her that she needs to prepare a snack for the sibbling, based on the sibblings needs - whenever that may be?
What if one kid needs snack at 4pm in order to avoid hunger, and will eat supper again at 6pm, and can't tolerate a later meal to go with the required 8pm bedtime. While the second, won't eat snack at 3, but does need that snack by 4 in order to make it passed 5 without becoming very hungry, but then won't eat supper till 7pm, and will sleep just fine? No matter what people are saying here...its ALL about parents arranging schedules, or lack thereof, to suit the parents. The kids by and large, adjust to what the parents need. It has to be this way, because otherwise noone would ever have been able to manage keeping more than a kid or two alive, and beyoond that, we'd never be able to function as as a society. Parents determine their set of options based on that which suits them. You can offer you kidS a 4pm, or a 3pm snack. You will give your kidS a big meal sometime between 6pm and 7pm. Yet millions of people eat big meals at 2pm or 3pm, and have a light snack in the evening. Moving supper or snack around within one hour intervals isn't the big thing. The big thing is determining that the big meal of the day will happen between 6 and 7, rather than at 2 or 3. And if each child demonstrates an individual preference, one 'needing' to eat at 6, one 'needing' to eat at 7, you are, by and large, most probably, going to ignore that little issue.
She's teaching her daughter to be considerate of others. She's not giving her daughter a mother role.
Hollie
<> So am I. So why did *you* mention *things* when referring to WOHMs? Do you think WOHMs corner the market on having *things?* I have both WOH and SAH friends who have *things.* Is it okay for the SAHMs to have them, but not the WOHMs?
<> *I am* the daughter, grand-daughter and great-grand-daughter of working women, and had NO issue with my mom's work status. We still have a great, close relationship.
<> It's nice that you enjoyed that. That wasn't my experience, which does not mean I did not have (and still have) a great relationship with my mother. I loved helping my mom out at school as I got older. I loved the women whose friendships she made while teaching school. Plus I had my wonderful grandmother taking care of me and my sister and brother while mom worked. I'd say that was a great arrangement for all of us.
<> My mom was a teacher. She couldn't do those things, but she was at school functions and was home with us after school. And I do volunteering and help out at my boys' school and chaperone class trips as a WOHM. It can be done.
<> I want for my boys parents who love them and who can provide them a warm, loving, comfortable home. And they have that, even with me WOH (imagine that!).
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