Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 6:38pm
Sister Big Foot. I too have size 10. I've discovered over time that the shoes most flattering to (at least my) big feet are ones that lace up. Little strappy numbers draw attention to how much more foot there is than shoe. But shoes that lace up draw a line up the feet and towards the ankle, so the eye is drawn up the leg and away from the foot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 7:56pm
AND i can wear his shoes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:00pm
What about it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:08pm
why would i be defensive or guilty????? i sah with my kids when they were little and didnt go to work til they were in school. unfortunately i dont live near my parents as lauren does, otherwise i might have worked from day one. also, i didnt have a career going before i had children so it just wasnt worth it as it was for lauren.

not knowing someones history and making obnoxious comments really should be curbed until you know what you're talking about.

btw, lauren doesnt live in a big house, or drive an expensive car or live on lots of land. her reasons for working are extremely sensible and her children are the most well adjusted, loving children you can imagine. or can you???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:09pm
could have fooled me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:10pm
i asked you earlier. you made a comment about bankers hours. what are bankers hours???
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:12pm
PFFFFTTTTT! Now who is throwing stones in a glass house? (That's the correct use of the metaphor...it's stones, not judgements...I can't imagine that a judgement would do much damage in a glass house, but a stone, OTOH...)

And, how do you know what my husband's priorities are? PPPFFFFFFTTTT. Are insults all you can come up with? Try harder next time...and maybe I'll take the bait.

Christi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:13pm
Perhaps you should take your own advice in your last post? Just a thought...C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:14pm
9-5, which are the TYPICAL hours banks are open. It is an oft-thrown around term in DH's industry as they do NOT work "banker's hours."

Christi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:47pm
No bait. Just asking a question as to why you feel that you can pass judgement on other WOHM's YET your very own husband works 80+ hours a week.

<<>> I am ASSUMING they (the priorities) are the SAME as those "horrible" WOHM's you keeping spouting off about.

And as far as insulting goes......Yeah, it's my opinion that if your husband is regularly working 80+ hours a week his priorities are pretty screwy. However, I do think it's screwy in a funny kind of way that he does that AND you come here and talk smack about WOHM's who work for things.

As far as the metephor thing......NO WAY, OH MY GOSH!, YOU ARE KIDDING ME! I CAN"T BELIEVE IT! You mean it's THROW STONES - NOT JUDGEMENTS!!!!!! Who would have known! Who would have guessed! DOES EVERYONE ELSE KNOW THIS?

And just when I thought that phrase worked so cleverly into my post.........

Pages