Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:49pm
Ah, but that's where the irony of your response to her question lies. . .if WE don't know where your husband's priorities are.. .how do YOU know what the priorities of WOHMs are?
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:50pm
And gee. . .my bank is open 8 am - 6 pm M-F and 8 am- 1 pm on Saturday. . .

The term 'banker's hours' isn't very accurate anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:52pm
Exactly what I asked.

You talked about the impact of daycare on children because they aren't with their parent. I ask you about the impact on a child when their father is working 80+ hours a week.

Rather simple question. You appear to have no problem going off about WOHM's not being there for their children. What about the fathers?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 8:58pm
Just another thought.....HER post was cute and funny AND not even posted to you. Where as YOURS was just insulting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:08pm
B/c I don't see how someone other than a parent can provide the kind of and quality of care a parent does day in and day out. B/c I've worked in childcare and I've seen how those kids RUN to their parents at the end of the day. Have you asked yours if they'd rather be at daycare or home with mom? I bet I know what their answer would be. I know what it was when my favorite cousin asked her kids...

My husband's priorities are simple: 1. God, 2. Family, 3. Work. As I stated in my OP, I knew he was a workaholic when I married him. I love him and I married him anyway. His father was the same way (as was his grandfather) and it hasn't negatively impacted their relationship. Moreover, I'M HOME with my son, so I'm not worried about DH's time away from home. My job, my career, MY LIFE is raising our son. DH spends the other 88 hours weekly w/DS...I thought WOHMs focused on QUALITY time with their kids and not QUANTITY of time anyway. It's okay for you to be gone 40 hrs. a week from your kids but NOT okay for my DH to work 80 hrs a week? Give me a break. Children need their mothers, esp. at a young age--fathers are/can be rather superfluous in the day-to-day things. And before you start flaming away--think about all the single moms out there.

Unlike you, I'm not talking smack. I'm giving my opinion, which I reached through my life experience. All I've seen you do is hurl insults at me for giving that opinion. C

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:08pm
I never claimed to know the priorities of every single WOHM on the planet, I merely stated my opinion about a select group of them. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:09pm
Oh! I guess I'll have to get that memo out to DH's ENTIRE INDUSTRY sometime, then. Thanks for the update. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:12pm
What about the fathers? I don't have a problem with it b/c my son is with his primary caretaker--his MOMMY--24/7. He sees his daddy, plays with his daddy, and loves his daddy, but I'm the MOMMY and I'm the one who is responsible for the bulk of his care. And you can NOT compare someone under the care of their parent to someone under the care of a DCP. Apples to oranges, baby! C
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:18pm
Thanks, sis. It never ceases to amaze me how people can make judgements without having a clue about other people's lives.
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:38pm
While you're entitled to your opinion on the topic, I humbly disagree that having a SAHP 'makes up' for another parent working an exhorbatent amount of hours.

I humbly ask again. . .if your husband can establish and maintain a strong relationship with his son. . as your father did with you. . .WHY can't a WOHM establish and maintain a strong relationship with their child(ren)?

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