Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

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And yes you are talking smack about WOHM's when you give a judgemental opinion about your friend working for an SUV all the while your husband is working 80+ hours a week.
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Oh really? You DO know what his answer would be? I'll bet not. You are making assumptions that I am a WOHM because I am defending that position. But you are wrong. Because you see I am a SAHM, who does not judge other mothers on the choices that they make.
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Boy i could make alot of assumptions about that whole paragraph there if I followed the same assumption logic you do (you know the assumption logic that WOHM's who choose to work aren't giving there best to their children) Cause I could easily assume a workoholic would put work at the #2 position instead of #3...
<. Really? Does your DH not sleep?
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First off I am a SAHM so that doesn't even apply. However YOU give me a break....Because I never said it wasn't okay for him not to be away. I just questioned you as to why you are so judgemental over all these WOHMothers who leave there kids for 40 hours a week when your husband works double that number.
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OOOOOOOOH MYYYYYYY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST READ THAT! If that is what you think, welllllll, what can I say. Because as a SAHM I KNOW how important a father is to their child at ANY age.
If moms WOH isn't in the best interest of children, it isn't in the best interest of ANY child. . .not the children of have to WOHMs or choose to WOHMs.
If have to WOHMs aren't doing anything 'wrong', then I don't understand why a chose to. . .or a have to but make plenty of money to have a few extras WOHMs are doing anything 'wrong' either.
Maybe in your home but not in mine. My DH has always been a very big part of our DD's day to day lives.
Hey CLW are you out there? I think this poster backs up your point that for some SAHM's all the father is is a paycheck.
Edited 7/3/2003 8:01:47 AM ET by texigan
The two parents working 40 hours a week a piece each have 40 more hours a week with their children then your DH does. You don't think that that 40 hours makes a difference?
Speaking as the mother of a child whose father is dead, and wasn't involved on a day-to-day basis even when he was alive, I can't even begin to tell you how just plain WRONG you are.
I'm surprised by this all though, as I never realized that the idea of meeting someone elses needs on THEIR terms, rather than MINE, was something I didn't need to do until I became a Mother. Been doing it all my life, without at second thought, actually. I suppose somewhere deep down here, is the reason why so many Mothers have such a darn hard time coming to terms with the demands of Motherhood. Totally new concept for some, I guess, having inconvenient demands not of their won choosing, placed upon them. I wasn't in that position, and I'll do what I can to see that my kids aren't either.
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