Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

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C
Because your son has you, his father is "superfluous"? This is the antithesis of my family's philosophy. Each of us builds strong bonds with all other family members. DH and I both work reasonable hours. We each get a balance of all things: work, money, individual time.
No, you getting a job wouldn't help your son. But whether you spend 24/7 with ds for 19 years or not, he's still missing something very vital with his dad gone so much. Shame on your DH.
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I've been a SAHM. And even when I was, dh was just as big of an influence on our children as I was. I did 75-90% of the child 'care'. I changed the diapers. I made the meals. I did the laundry. But as to child 'rearing'? That implies the instillation of values, ethics and morals. That implies the type of discipline used. That implies providing food and shelter and clothing. That implies the education of the child. That implies a lot of things that, IMO, a father should have as much influence on as the mother, be she SAH or WOH.
I do sincerely hope that your husband's ideas on discipline are important. That he contributes to the education of his children. That his male influence is important. And I hope that his morals, values adn ehtics are given as much weight as yours. WEll, maybe not .. because he's currently teaching his kid that its okay to never see daddy because daddy would rather work 80 hours a week.
Hollie
And before you throw my husbands 80 hour weeks at me, he works that many hours b/c he is in management. He is helping people: his job involves helping people plan for their financial future and helping his employees succeed in their industry. He get paid well, but he is also contributing to the greater good. Again I state that it's apples and oranges to a mom who is slaving away to buy more and more stuff (and no, I'm not talking about the teachers out there or any of that...there is a select group I'm singling out here). Sheesh. Christi
PFFFFTTTTTTTTT--Christi
I have NEVER met a group of more judgemental people in my LIFE! Shame on YOU for passing judgement on a man you've never met! Christi
And, not all management types have to work 80 hour weeks. And, if he really wanted to, your dh could change jobs to one that didn't require 80 hour weeks. When it cmoes down to it, he CHOOSES to work that much.
Hollie
My children certainly miss their father when he is away. . .of course, I don't consider him to be superfluous. That might influence their bond.
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