Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:28am
Of course, he's a momma's boy. He doesn't have a dad around to be a daddy's boy. With his father gone 80 hours a week consistently, and his mom with him 24/7, what other choice is there for him?

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:28am
Exactly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:29am
Just because something is "all a person has ever known" doesn't make it right.

I knew a girl in grade school that was sexually abused by her father. Had been for years. But she seriously thought that was what all fathers did. she thought it was right becuase it was all she had ever known.

Its a poor excuse.

(note: I am not comparing your dh's working 80 hours a week to a sex abuser ... )

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:34am
So your DH would rather help people, other than his own wife and child?

Maybe by your friend working, she's going to be able to retire and fund her kids' college educations. So what if she also gets the SUV and Jamaican trips? Should she be punished for choosing to work instead of being AH? Does your friend perhaps have a career that she enjoys and has spent years building up an expertise in? Could she ALSO be working for those intangibles? You see, working isn't all about the cash.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:38am
How do you know my husband could get a new job? Have you checked out the economy lately? Unemployment figures released today were up to 430,000--the highest in nine years. The last three years have been the worst for the stock market since the Depression. Do you have some contacts in the finance/investment industry that will give my husband a 40 hour a week job making the same money he makes now?

And you know what, my OB/GYN is a chose-to-WOHM and I'm glad. She's fabulous and certainly contributing to the greater good. C

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:39am
My DH was a daddy's boy and his dad worked similar hours...can you kindly explain that me? You seem to know sooo much about my family's situation....C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:40am
I'm sorry, weren't you the one judging your "friend" because she works for things?

I feel sorry for your "friends."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:42am
Is it okay then if your OB/GYN gets a trip to Jamaica and an SUV, since she's helping society?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:42am
My friend hates her job. I think it's interesting how you all are making excuses for her behavior, when you aren't as intimately acquainted with the situation as I am. She hates her job but doesn't feel like she can quit b/c they've bought themselves a lifestyle that they can't afford if she quit working. It's all about the things. And that bothers me. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:43am
Hellooo there. Can your DH quit if he becomes miserable? Can he downshift to a job working 40 hours a week? I'd guess not. Since he's the only breadwinner and all. Since that's the lifestyle you and your DH have bought into.

Correct?

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