Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:55am
"So why does it matter how many hours a week he works if he's got me to hold down the homefront?" So why does it matter if I work 40 hours a week if I've got a dh to help hold down the homefront?

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:57am
As an OB/GYN, I don't think she's putting in those hours for the trips and cars. And I don't think you can put a number on it, but I know she took off at least the first year when her kids were born. And of course, she's in a large practice, so she can set her office hours around THEIR schedule, something I didn't see too often in corporate America. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 10:59am
I don't at all have a problem with a WOHM working 80 hours a week if the dad is at home. I think the former Mass. governor did something like that, did she not? Of course, I've seen the results first hand and think my son is turning out just fine, so I'm a little biased.

Why does it bother you so much what my family does? IT obviously WORKS FOR US! Christi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:00am
EGGSACTLY! It works .. it works when your dh works 80 freakin' horus a week!

So, why can't that work for a mom who only works 40 hours a week?

"He has a relationship with his son. They have daddy/son rituals that are "their" thing."

I WOH. And I have a relationship with my kids. We have mommy/kid rituals that are "oru thing".

" Every morning, DH gets up with DS and gives him his bottle and spends 1/2 hour or so cuddling and talking and spending time together."

Every morning, I spend time wiht my kids, talking, cuddling. And I WOH.

"On Friday afternoons, he comes home at 4pm to hang out w/DS and me...usually we go to the park or out to dinner."

Many afternoons I get off early. and go to the park or out to dinner or jump in the pool. And I WOH.

" Then Saturday afternoon and all of Sunday are for more family time."

Yep. We do that too. and I WOH.

" It works. "

Yep, my WOH works too.

"DS loves his daddy and looks forward to their rituals and special time together. "

Yep. My kids love theri mommy and look forward to our rituals and special time together. And that time for me and my kids is much more than the time your dh has with your kid. But I'm evil because I WOH .. .and only 40 hours a week.

don't you get it?

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:01am
Why do you think she's putting in the hours? Oh, is it because I'm a scum sucking lawyer and she helps deliver babies?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:02am
If my DH loves what he does and is paid well for it, why should he get another job? B/c you and your buddies on the board think he's a bad father? Pffffffttt! He and I, and most important of all, DS, know differently. That's all that matters to me. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:02am
Why does it bother YOU that a family might have dual WOHPs. It obviously works for many!

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:03am
I didn't make that judgement about ALL WOHMs, in my OP, I specifically singled out moms like that. I've stated numerous times before that I don't have a problem with all WOHM, just the ones that fit that description. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:04am
Hey, if you're working for the right reasons, it doesn't. My OP was about women who are working for all the wrong reasons when they could be home with their kids. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:04am
Well then, why can't it be as good or BETTER for a family for whom it works to have both parents work 40 or 45 hours a week?

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