Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:04am
Thats the whole freakin' point! We DON'T think he's a bad father. We've (or at least I) have exaggerated his relationship with your son to make our point ...

If I love my job and am well paid for it, why should I work? I and my stbxh, know that having dual WOHPs works for us.

The entire point of my debating with you has been ...

If your dh can be a wonderful father adn ahve a great relationship with his son, while being gone 80 horus a week ... why can't I be a wonderful mother and have a great relationship with my kids being gone only 40 horus a week?

ARRRGGHHHH! I feel like I'm beating my head on a brick wall!

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:05am
I address this in my last post to you...I've never said that all WOHMs are evil, and would love for someone to show me otherwise. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:05am
No, no, most good parents I know are gone 12-14 hours a day, week in and week out, from their families. Oh yeah. Sorry, I do NOT buy it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:06am
B/c she loves what she does--she gets to help other women every day. I've got nothing against lawyers either, now you're really putting words in my mouth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:06am
Let me spell it out: isn't your DH also working for things, material things and so you can stay home?????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:07am
no no no no no no no no!

If you're gone 40 horus a week, you're gone 40 hours a week. Why doesn't really factor into it. If I can have a good relationship with my kids working at a mission 40 hoirus a week .. why can't I ahve a good relationship with my kids working as a shoe salesmen 40 hours a week?

Yes, there are some women who work for things and put their children behind materialism. However, those same women would put their children behind whether they WOH or SAH! Its the personality of the mother, not the working status that makes the difference!

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:07am
It doesn't bother me unless the mother is working for the wrong reasons. My friend is working for the wrong reasons--that bothers me. Wanda WOHM who is working for the Corolla and 1500 sq. ft house, doesn't. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:08am
But, unless you're intimately familiar with a person's financial status, you can't make the determiniation. And therefore, you can't *know* that anyone is working for things. No matter how much it might appear so.

ON the surface, it really, really, looks like I work for things. But I don't. So, upon meeting me, you'd make the false judgement that I was an evil, work for things, ignore my kids WOHM. And it would be WRONG!

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:08am
WHo said he was a bad father? The point everyone's tried to make is that if you feel he can work so many hours and be a "good father" (whatever that entails), then why can't a mother work 40 and be a "good mother"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:09am
That's the thing, I've never said that you couldn't. My OP clearly states that I don't understand women who WOH for the wrong reasons (materiastic THINGS). I've never said that you can't have a quality relationship with your kids b/c you work. That's just not what I've chosen for my family, if it works for you, go to it! C

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