Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:10am
Well then, you've obviously never met my husband, my FIL, or anyone at DH's company. Your loss.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:10am
But your DH could be home more with his DS if you worked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:10am
But can't you play the nice person and "assume" that a woman is NOT working for those things .. instead of assuming she is?

Holile

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:10am
But why does it matter WHY they WOH? THey do. THat's all that matters. It's either OK or not OK, regardless of reasons.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:13am
Nope. He falls into that rare breed of people who is working b/c he loves what he does. He'd do this job and the hrs. for half of the pay. We only live on a percentage of what he makes and invest the rest anyway...so it's definitely NOT about the money. It's about him doing the best he can for the clients he serves.

And he worked this much when I worked F/T before having kids, so it is definitely NOT so I can SAH. I just consider myself lucky that I don't HAVE to work. Christi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:16am
What kind of message does it send to a child if you're slaving away and spending all that time at a job you hate so you can buy more stuff? That really bothers me. To work b/c you love it and it's your passion or b/c you have to in order to have food on the table, fine. But if you'd rather be at home with your kids but are working for the bigger and better SUV every year and to keep up with the Joneses, I think that's just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:16am
So, you could live on what? about half his income? maybe 70%?

Then he's evil for working more than he NEEDS to. Just like we choose to WOHMs are evil for working if we don't NEEED to.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:17am
I'm doing what I love, DH is doing what he loves. It works for us. DH doesn't want me to WOH, he wants me home with DS. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:19am
We live on 40% of his gross earnings, actually. And I disagree...he's doing a good thing for people while he's working, and there certainly isn't enough of that in this big, bad world. I don't see how someone who is contributing to the greater good can be called evil. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:20am
It is. But I guarantee, that most of hte women (and men) that do that, wouuld be equally as bad as parents if they SAH. Its not their working status that makes them bad parents. Its their lack of commitment to their children. Its their personality. Its their parenting style. Not their work status.

Hollie

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