Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:20am
Alright, this has been fun, really it has, but DS is up from his nap and I've got a date with him at the playground. Have a good afternoon! Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:21am
Alright, this has been fun, really it has, but DS is up from his nap and I've got a date with him at the playground. Have a good afternoon! Christi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:22am
But it's his selfish devotion to his career, now that he does have a wife and a child that I question.

ALL mothers have to change their lives, including their work lives, once they become parents. Isn't it convenient that becoming a father didn't cause your DH to have to cut back on his hours at all?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:22am
But I work for a company that contributes to the greater good. My dept last year donated OVER 80,000 DOLLARS to our community. And doing that donating is part of my job.

But you wouldn't have known that. You would have seen my 4bedroom house on almost an acre; my 25,000 gallon swimming pool; my brand new playground for the kids, etc and *assumed* that I was working for things.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:25am
NO It's your attitude that is just plain wrong.

Your ds doesn't know or care why Daddy's gone so much. I'd much rather be a selfish WOHM who works only for material things, yet only be gone 45 hours a week, than a selfless MAN working for the greater good of society and be gone 80 hours. Don't you see how ridiculous your judgment of material WOHMs is, since your DH is much more selfish than any WOHM who "just works for money" could ever be? Do you truly not see it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:26am
But he doesn't want to be home with DS, for 80 hours worth of time....or let me put it this way, he'd rather work than be with you and DS for the "extra" 40 hours he's putting in.

And WOHMS who work "only" for the money are WRONG????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:55am
He didn't cut back on his work hours, he did give up his favorite hobbies (golf, hunting, fishing) though in order to spend time with his family...

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:59am
Many, if not all, working parents (and most SAHPs also) do that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 11:59am
See there are 2 different things going on in your post:

1. The fact the you have the cajones to sit in judgement of ANYONE who WOH, regardless if they want to, have to, whatever.

2. That you not only sit in judgement, BUT have a husband that works 80+ hours. And you still will villify a choose to work mom for being away half the time your husband is.

This is what cracks me up: <>

Nope, I will give you you friends to judge. That's it. Since apparently you are at the quicken program when they pay their bills. I will give you that. Otherwise you have no idea about anyone elses situation. So again, I ask who are you to judge.

<>

Well in some circles your husband fits the description of an absent father.

See your life isn't exempt from judgement or opinion either. What is that one phrase that would fit this so perfectly ..........Don't judge lest ye be judged?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:01pm
I truly don't see it. I'm proud of my husband. He's a good provider, loving husband, and doting father. I don't see how you can call him selfish. C

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