Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:01pm
Of course you do. He isn't there to do anything. He's at work
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:04pm
And SHAME on YOU for passing judgements on WOHM's who choose to work.

Do you REALLY not see what a hypocrite you are?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:05pm
I think someone invites me into her life to judge when she goes on and on about how she just can't "afford" to stay home, when she could if she cut out a few expenses. You obviously don't know your friends as well as I do, now do you? Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:06pm
So then what you are saying is you just judge you friends and no one else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:07pm
If you were the one working all those hours, even if you loved your work, wouldn't you feel a little selfish? Selfish is putting your personal desires, whether it's to work, volunteer, or play golf, consistently and by a large margin ahead of your family's needs.

Heck, you think it's selfish to work "just for things" even if it means you're only away from your kids for 40 hours.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:07pm
I'm going to ignore you from now on, b/c you aren't contributing anything to this debate. I've stated innumerable times that I'm not condemning all WOHMs. For some reason, you feel compelled to put words in my mouth and beat a dead horse. I've got better things to do (like raise my son) than deal with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:08pm
Your DH could afford to be home more too if he weren't so ego and otherwise involved in his work. I mean, he's not curing cancer or AIDS is he?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:24pm
No, see, YOU are the one doing the judging - Not me.

And, I am sorry to say, that you ARE judging all working moms. You have no idea what their finacial situation is. So it's just your best guess based on looks and things and what they have that you make your judgement, isn't it. You see a WOHM with a beemer and assume that she puts $ before her child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:26pm
no. his "great contribution" to people's lives is helping them manage their money--so they can have more freedom to buy things-that-they-value-more-than-their-children with it. i think the hypocrisy resonates on several levels here.

and is anyone else around here feeling a sudden desire to go lounge on a fake beach?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:31pm
OH I SEE.

But since she as a SAHM has the luxury of any little material thing her heart desires, since they only need 60% of their income, and she doesn't have to work for it, she judges those who want some or all of the material things she has, because they have to actually EARN it?

THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF HYPOCRISY. I'll just divorce DH and remarry for a whole lotta money, so I can be a SAHM and not be a dirty WOHM who dares to put her work ahead of her children.

Mygarnetboy, congratulations. You have truly p7ssed me off.

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