Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:33pm
What does knowing friends well and judging them have to do with one another. I have a friend who chooses to work. I don't judge her it's a simple as that.

I don't judge her kinda in the same way YOU don't want people to judge your husband. Hmmmm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:48pm
What's a matter you can dish out the judgement but can't take it. Hmmmmmmmmm Let me see.... you can shame us for judging your husband. However, YOU shouldn't be shamed for judging a *******CHOOSE***** to WOHM.

Did you not carefully READ my post. I said "SHAME on YOU for judging WOHM's who CHOOSE to work" I know you stated you so generously didn't condem all WOHM's. Reread my quote. I said CHOOSE to WOHM.

You shamed us for judging your husband. Why shouldn't the same be said to you. You are a hypocrite for doing what you don't want done to your husband.

You can ignore me all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you judge CHOOSE to WOHM's when you don't know their situation AND you have a husband who works TWICE if not MORE the hours they do! Just because you don't like MY OPINION doesn't mean I'm not contributing. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:49pm
Actually, we only need 40% of our income...not 60%. Pissed or jealous? ROTFLMAO!

And now I don't earn the things I get b/c I stay at home? Whatever. You're right, I'm on the couch all day eating bon bons and watching Oprah while DH brings home the bacon and our maid fries it up in the pan.

Estate planning, selecting life insurance to help a family survive in the event of a spouse's death, figuring out how to pay for a child's college education, showing young DINKs how to manage their money now so the wife can SAH in a few years w/the little ones, yeah, my DH is REALLY helping people put money before their kids.

We live in a modest home (1350 sq feet, baby) and drive modest vehicles. My DH practices what he preaches, and when he retires at 40 in nine years (DS will be 10--our future kids will be younger than that--and I'm quite sure will be happier to spend time with DH then than now) we'll both be laughing our way to the bank while y'all are still slaving away and your kids are still hanging out with their DCPs.

Pfffffttttt! Bring it on. Christi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:49pm
>>>He has a relationship with his son. They have daddy/son rituals that are "their" thing. Every morning, DH gets up with DS and gives him his bottle and spends 1/2 hour or so cuddling and talking and spending time together. On Friday afternoons, he comes home at 4pm to hang out w/DS and me...usually we go to the park or out to dinner. Then Saturday afternoon and all of Sunday are for more family time. It works. DS loves his daddy and looks forward to their rituals and special time together. Christi

-----

So...do these Daddy/son rituals start at about 3 am? Because according to the schedule you've layed out, your DH must work about 5am - 10pm M - R & 5am - 3pm Friday in order to make it home for your 4pm Friday family time w/weekends off. That's a pretty brutal schedule.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:52pm
He doesn't work 80 hrs a week every week--that's an average/approximation. Some weeks it's 60 hrs a week, occasionally he travels, so he's gone overnight...no day is ever the same. His day doesn't start any earlier than 6am and schedules his mornings so he gets that time with DS. He also works every Saturday morning, it's standard practice in his firm. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:52pm
It doesn't matter anyway. Because she already stated he is a workaholic. So no matter what he does, he is going to work the extra 40 hours a week instead of spending that 40 hours with his family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:52pm
How freaking sexist can you get?! Only women can work for the "wrong reasons"? What about men? They get a pass on everything because they are men? And what if I was to say to you that your dh working 80 hours a week so you can buy stuff is wrong. I'm sure he could find a perfectly good 40 hour a week job if you would just give up some things.

You want to make a big deal about dual WOHPs working a combined 80 hours a week, but you are completeky unwilling to accept the fact that your dh working 80 hours a week is exactly teh same amount of time.

Geez, what year is the anyway? 1950? Why does all your working for stuff garbage apply to women only? What about men who work for Corvettes and boats and golf memberships. You need to give women a break.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:53pm
Ch yes, and that 80 hrs. includes his commute--usually 30 minutes one way. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:54pm
He's not working for a Corvette or golf memberships, he's working so he can retire at 40. I don't have a problems with that. 15 years of 80 weeks so he can be retired for 35? Sounds good to me! C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:55pm
What does "during the day" have to do with this? And a person who can't follow a schedule that caters to something other than their own personal needs IS going to have a very tough time holding down a job. Thats just the way it is - unless said person happens to consititute the entire universe of provider through consumer, whatever those consitutue, all by themselves.

Pages