Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:55pm
You don't earn sh*t, other than for sleeping with your DH. And you know what that makes you, right? It's not like you're raising 4 kids under age 5.

The fact is, I earn my money in a way you'll never do. So it's morally wrong for me to want material things like you have without lifting a paid finger, but it's not morally wrong for you to live off your DH, for your DH not to see his child for the first ten years of your child's life.

See this incredibly b&tchy post reveals how you look down your nose at all of us, whether we choose to work or have to work. Congratulations! I have more in common with the single moms making 30K a year here than I do with you. This is the snootiest post I've ever read.

Oh, and by the way - make sure DH doesn't dump you for a young cutie/aka trophy wife before your DH retires, OK?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:56pm
But your husband chose what the WOHM chooses to do. He chose to be away from the family an EXTRA 40 hours a week. So why can you understand him and not a WOHM who chooses to be away 40 hours a week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:57pm
Sure, because you're working 0 hours a week for 0 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:58pm
>>>Hey, if you're working for the right reasons, it doesn't. My OP was about women who are working for all the wrong reasons when they could be home with their kids.

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Your "reasons" are arbitrary & biased, based on your "friend" (its a stretch to call her that, of course, seeing how you're talking negatively about her behind her back, but, I digress...) & her SUV.

You can't make a blanket statement & judgement about WOHM's who "work for stuff" as you DON'T POSSIBLY KNOW every person's/family's financial situation. How dare you judge someone for having an SUV or going on vacations? What if they need an SUV? What if the vacations are the only way they have to get away from their day-to-day responsibilities & finances, which you may know nothing of? For example: medical bills, credit card debt, student loans, business debt, caring for an elderly or infirm relative in a care center?

You have no idea about other's financial situations, and as such have no right to make a blanket judgement on people who "work for things".

Get off your high horse & look at your own family situation. If your DH needs to work 80 hours just to pay for the lifestlye & things that YOU'VE chosen then you're not at all above the duel 40 hour income families you scorn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 12:59pm
WAIT! I thought your DH was a workaholic. If he wants to retire at 40, isn't he just working for material things?

I'm confused. I thought he worked those long hours because he loved his work. Now he's actually just working so he can retire early. Care to clarify?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:01pm
Then why don't you take that other 60% and give to to charity? If you and your dh are so unconcerned with money and don't care about material things, then I can't imagine why you wouldn;t want to give it away to serve the greater good.

Methinks you protest a bit too much.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:03pm
Because then he'd *have* to work until normal retirement age. And then, well, it WOULD just be all about the money.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:03pm
>>>He didn't cut back on his work hours, he did give up his favorite hobbies (golf, hunting, fishing) though in order to spend time with his family...

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How sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:05pm
No, YOU said he works like that because he is a workaholic. Workoholics don't retire at 40. You need to get your story straight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:06pm
You don't know what I do all day or how I earn my keep, probably b/c you've dumped your kids at the DCP all day for their entire life while you pursue your "career."

Your suggestion that my husband would dump me for a trophy wife is indicative of just how clueless and dare I say hypocritical you are. He spends 80 hours a week away from DS and me so he's going to trade me in for a new model? Are you going to trade your kids in for a new model when they hit their teen years? After all, you and your DH spent the same amt. of time away from them, so they can't mean any more to you than you assume DS and I mean to my DH. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's "different" b/c you're the noble WOHM and I'm the lazy SAHM who get paid for sleeping with her husband. I assume you and your husband have completely different bank accounts and you only touch what is "yours?" Afterall, if he makes more than you and you use "his" money, you're no better than me, now are you?

Interesting line of reasoning you use. I'm going to do us both a favor and ignore the fact that you called me (and essentially every other SAHM on the planet) a whore and assume that was out of anger. C

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