Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:08pm
10am - 3pm.

Those were the Mon-Fri hours that banks were traditionally open for retail business.

Which never really meant that people working in banks actually were actually working those hours. Once up on a time there was alot of paperwork and clerical work to proceed and follow up a banking business day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:08pm
Before computers, banks closed early in order to count up the cash and do the ledgers so that they could post the transactions by the end of the day. My sister was in banking back in the 1970's; they opened at 10 and closed at 2 pm, but they worked 9-6.

I suppose that some of the executives might have cut out early sometimes to go cultivate clients on the golf course, but most of the staff worked really long hours, just not where members of the public could see them doing it. She was the exec. secretary for the president of the bank, and she told stories about how certain VIP's would sometimes be admitted to the bldg. after closing for special transactions, often involving large amounts of cash.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:09pm
He will go into early retirement at 40, in order to that, he has to have X amt. saved up so we can afford to pay for the little incidentals like a college education for our kids and food. He'll work part-time, b/c he'll never NOT work, but that's when he'll step out of management and just do it purely for fun. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:10pm
>>>Actually, we only need 40% of our income...not 60%. Pissed or jealous? ROTFLMAO!

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Oh I see now, you're husband isn't working for "things" now. He's working for "things" later, while being away from his family 80 hours a week now for the next, what, 10, 15 years? So that makes it okay? Makes him free from the judgement you're dishing out to duel-income families?

I don't see any difference between the duel 40-hours a week families you are vilifying for working for "things" now when your dh is abandoning his family for 80-hours a week now to work for "things" later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:10pm
How do you know we don't? We invest 30%, I've said that, you DON'T know how much we give away to charitable causes, now do you? C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:12pm
yeah, things like a college education for DS...oooh, bad dh! bad man! How dare he!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:15pm
>>>and I'm quite sure will be happier to spend time with DH then than now) we'll both be laughing our way to the bank while y'all are still slaving away and your kids are still hanging out with their DCPs.

Pfffffttttt! Bring it on. Christi

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What an awful post.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:16pm
First, there is a difference between having things because you work and working for things. You are looking at your friends life with her working and judging that she doesn't have need to work to maintain a nice standard of living because she has excess with her working. Got news for you. You can't look at someone's life with them working and infer what their life would be like if they didn't work. I fit into the category of having way more than I deem necessary because I work but our standard of living would be unacceptable to dh and I if I didn't work. Having extra because I work doesn't imply I'd have enough if I didn't. Your logic is flawed here.

Second, what's wrong with working for things? Who cares what someone's motives are for working. The situation is the same either way. That bigger house just might be in a better school district. That SUV just might be taking the kids back and forth to enriching activities. You talk like having nice things in your life and working to provide a better life for your family is bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:19pm
>>>yeah, things like a college education for DS...oooh, bad dh! bad man! How dare he!

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Yet you think WOHM who are working for the SAME THINGS are bad mothers?

Geesh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:20pm
makes it pretty darn obvious why he spends so much time away from home.

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