Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:22pm
OK, I'd like to know what you do all day, if you'd care to post it.

"After all, you and your DH spent the same amt. of time away from them, so they can't mean any more to you than you assume DS and I mean to my DH."

This above quote is the heart of our disagreement. One parent being away 80 hours a week is a very different family dynamic than both parents being gone approximately half of that time. Wouldn't you agree?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:25pm
Lots of people work after retirement in their given field. My dad retired at 55 (4 years ago) and does consulting work on an as-needed basis. Often there are underlying reasons for workaholics to work as much as they do. In my dad's case, he worked a lot so mom could stay home when we were young. In DH's case, he does it b/c he loves the work and b/c he wants to retire early. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:25pm
Yeah, and you want to ignore MY posts because they add nothing to the debate....While yours add so much meaning and insight..... ROTFLMAO.....You are too much.....All the while still being a hypocrite and while holding your hands to your ears saying:

"Don't say anything bad about my husband working 80 hours, Don't say anything bad about my husband working 80 hours."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:25pm
Having nice things in your life is only bad if both parents have to work for them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:25pm
:)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:26pm
Thank you for clarifying that. My DH and his colleagues throw the term about quite a bit b/c they don't work "bankers hours." It is interesting how the term came to be though and a refreshing break from the flames.

Pulling the fire suit back on... C

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:27pm
Of course you don't, and you never will. Different strokes...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:28pm
You're right, so much more awful than the one in which she called me a whore. Pfffft!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:36pm
No, I don't agree. You and your DH are gone a combined total of 80 hrs a week. My DH and I are also gone a combined total of 80 hrs. a week. Our family dynamic works for us. As for what I do all day, let's see today, I've cooked and fed DS two meals, taken him for a walk around the neighborhood in his wagon (too hot for the park) and played outside, vacuumed the house (while holding DS b/c he doesn't like the vacuum), spent waaay too much time fighting with you, brushed the dog, and cleaned a bathroom and the kitchen. The only time the TV was on was during breakfast when DS was watching the Wiggles while I showered. After DS's afternoon nap, we'll go back outside to play in his wading pool and then I'll cook dinner, feed him, do the night-night routine and work on his laundry. When I'm not wasting time on this board during his naps, I'm usually spending his naptime doing housework or working for the women's leadership organization that I volunteer for, I usually spend 10 hrs a week (his naps and after he goes to bed) working for them. I also spend a great deal of time with my retired parents, helping them out around their house. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:38pm
Oh puh-leeze. He married me, didn't he? Can you be a grown up and debate or do you just like to make infantile comments? C

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