Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:43pm
Well, you said you live on 40% of his GROSS pay, invest 30%, and I assume you are in the 35% tax bracket for a good part of his pay, then I suspect there is little left to give to charity. I can add and subtract and there is no way you can be giving away 60%, living on 40% and investing 30%

Greater good? yeah right. Since when is selling financial services serving one's fellow man?

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:47pm
He's not selling financial services, he's advising people how to make the most of their income. And we do contribute...we aren't taxed on the income he invests, so your addition is wrong. FTR He's a deacon at our church, we tithe, and we also contribute very generously to other causes that mean a great deal to us. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:48pm
So when he retires your child will be what, a teen, off to college soon and moved out of the house? Sounds like a plan, miss your kid's entire childhood only to retire just in time to see him leave home.

And if your dh is a workaholic, what's he gonna do all day when he retires. My dad was a workaholic, he worked until and including the day he died. If you dh is willing to chuck his career at 40, he is not a workaholic.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:50pm
LOL I get it now, we've got another expert on parenting who has only been a parent for 17 months.. I love those ones.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:51pm
I always understood bankers hours to mean 9:00-4:00, but enough about the technicalities, bankers hours just means a relatively light work week, few hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:52pm
He's not going to chuck his career, he'll probably get out of management and work P/T from home. And retiring when DS is 10 (and our future kids even younger) is hardly missing out on anyone's ENTIRE childhood.

He will never give up work entirely, but Ithe hours will die down a bit eventually. His dad did the same thing...

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:54pm
Yup. In all seriousness, can you show me where I claimed to be an expert parent? I've only commented on my experiences with the people I know and how they've affected ME and my decisions and what my VIEWS are...

Pffffft! C

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:54pm
It's a very old term, it obviously hasn't kept pace with the new work ethic!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 1:58pm
*And* you've claimed that having one SAHP and one WOHP who works 80+ hours a week is better than 2 WOHPs.. which in the majority of cases is completely asinine. Most dual WOH families have staggered hours and flexible schedules so that BOTH parents can have a meaningful relationship with their children. I wonder how your 17 month old will know what a good marriage looks like if you hardly see eachother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:04pm
And I that statement would offend a whole world full of bankers.

Steortypical statements like "banker's hours" are no less offensive than stereotypical ones like "SAHMs watch soap operas all day."

Hollie

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