Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:23pm
I think you are wrong PJMom. I have visions of a nerdy little geek accountant type who has heart palpitations at the thought of spending more than 20 bucks to take the wife and kiddies out to dinner, eaxmining each bill and wanting an explanation for the 2o cent rise in the electric bill this month? vacations? Why, when we can go stay with family on the cheap? I don't think this guy is trophy wife material at all.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:25pm
You're both wrong. But I would expect nothing less...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:25pm
>>>(my post)>>>

I don't see any difference between the duel 40-hours a week families you are vilifying for working for "things" now when your dh is abandoning his family for 80-hours a week now to work for "things" later.

----------

>>>(your response)>>>Of course you don't, and you never will. Different strokes...

------

What do you mean "of couse I don't & never will"? Is there something about me that I've disclosed which would lead you to believe that I'm somehow incapable of understanding the hypocrisy & judgements you've thrown out in your posts?

Different strokes? No...you're plainly stating that duel-income families who work 40 hours a week & get to share in parenting when they aren't at work & work for things are somehow worse that one-income families who have one parent covering the 80 hour gap for the other parent who chooses to be away from his family to work for things.

Its not different strokes. Its plainly out there. You're judging others yet, really, you have no room to do so, considering your own situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:34pm
I do set my own hours and I negotiate my assignment each semester. Right now I am working during elem school hours. When my youngest gets older, I will probably change my schedule to have a day or two off each week, sinec teh chool day for middle school is longer. As for what I do, I work on projects that interest me. I have to attend meetings and teach, but other than that, I pretty much determine what I do. So I guess I really am retired!

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:34pm
What I find greatly ironic is that you all keep putting words in my mouth in order to fight with me. In my OP I stated my situation and I've stated it innumerable times since then. I don't understand working mothers like my friend. I don't think that all working mothers are evil, I've never said that I did. I SAH b/c that's what is best for MY family. Have I been snarky? You bet. I've also been called a whore and told that my husband doesn't love me or DS and that's why he works so much AND that he'll trade me in for a "newer" model. I made a judgement of a person I know IRL who fits the description of a mom soley working for the lifestyle they can't afford. Y'all are awfully quick to defend someone you aren't intimately acquainted with whose lifestyle is more like yours than the person making the call whose lifestyle isn't. Interesting. I don't think I've "lashed out" at anyone who hasn't insulted me or DH first. My OP was to give the POV of someone who has BTDT happily in the situation in question. The defensivness of the posters who can not debate the issue but resorted instead to name-calling and petty insults sort of clouded that whole thing. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:36pm
Again, I've not judged all WOHP, just a certain group. What I fail to understand is how you all can't see that? So all WOHP are better than one WOHP working mega-hours and one SAHP? Pffffftttt! Again I say, different strokes. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:37pm
n/t
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:39pm
What about the taxes on the 40% (living expenses)? How does that add in to your equation?

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:42pm
>>>Again, I've not judged all WOHP, just a certain group. What I fail to understand is how you all can't see that?

--------

How not? Because no one has the right or ability to fairly & justifyably judge another "group" when they don't have all the information. You CAN'T know everyone's financial situation, and therefore, you can't know that a person who has an SUV is "working for the wrong reasons".

I've addressed all of this to you before, and you chose to ignore the post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 2:43pm
The point is that you ARE JUDGING .. one group or all groups, it doesn't matter. You can't judge if you're not intimately familiar with one's life. Even then, its shaky ground to stand on.

Hollie

Pages