Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:09pm
Well, perhaps that is because I don't think that retirement savings and savings for DS's college education fall into the same category as a trip to Jamaica or a brand new Ford Expedition. I'm pretty sure the Fed Gov and IRS feel the same way, or you could deduct your savings for cars and trips out of your pre-tax pay! C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:10pm
I guess that depends on your definition of snarky. I would say by your definition, I'm a snarky person. I don't think so, but you obviously do. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:10pm
I haven't judged yoru husband. Seriously, I haven't.

I've made a post or two where I commented on your husbands schedule. But I wasn't judging him. I was using his situation as a comparison to the situation of a WOHM.

Anyhoo ...

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:11pm
Eggggsactly! Thank you for saying what I couldn't.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:11pm
Hollie, you haven't been hurling insults either. You debate and I appreciate that. Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:14pm
And see my reply to this somewhere (my outline feature isn't working on this board for some reason). C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:14pm
Thanks .. I try very hard not to hurl insults .. but sometimes its very hard.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:16pm
Do you mind if I ask what your ackronym for your eh means? I'm just curious...I have a suspicion, but am not 100%! ;) C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:18pm
if your friend is only working to pay for materialistic excess, then she would still have the same flaw if she won the lottery or if her dh got a massive raise that allowed her to quit working. even if you are right about her, her working would then be a symptom of her immorality, so you would be talking about materialists, who are as likely to look like you--if they score the lottery or the work-a-holic dh or whatever. so the people you say you are railing against are as likely to sah as to woh--yet you only pitch about wohms. you are obviously not putting any effort into thinking this through.

and, again, ime people are more likely to express their desires than their finances. when someone tells me they'd like to sah though they woh, i never jump to the conclusion that they are too stupid or immoral to do what they obviously want to do, but i instead presume that there is a compelling reason (a real finacial need) that is too personal for them to feel comfortable disclosing that makes them do so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 3:26pm
AH, but there isn't a real financial reason, save for the cars and trips. She admits that. While convoluted, I believe you are saying I'm not better than her b/c my DH works a great deal. As I've stated, working for investment gain (ie--retirement funds and college funds) is completely different than working for cars and trips. And if you think I'm wrong, ask your accountant to deduct your expenses for those at tax time and see what he says.

Moreover, I didn't "score" a work-a-holic DH. I met, fell in love with, and married a man who happens to have a staunch work ethic. I would be married to him if he made $40,000 a year or $4,000,000. C

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