Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

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For the last time, I'm not a mind-reader, but I do make assumptions on what I'm told by people. Haven't you made assumptions about me based on what you've read here? I don't hold my friend in "abject contempt" (in fact, I respect her a heck of a lot more than some of the posters on this board) but I certainly don't understand her or agree with her. So what! My best friend is as liberal as I am conservative and she's still my best friend. I didn't realize that I had to agree with someone on everything to be their friend--that would be awfully boring! I merely threw out my comment for a debate. Goodness--be careful what you wish for! C
Hugs to you. And as trite and sanctimonious as it sounds, my sister is so much happier and better off now. It was hell for her when she went through it, but she says she's a better person for it.
I'm sending lots of prayers and good thoughts to you and the kids and some penis-shriveling thoughts to your soon to be ex. C
Her DH is goen from home 40 hours a week.
Your DH is gone from home 80 hours a week.
Do you really not see a difference? She and her DH each have 40 more hours per week at home then your DH does. You being home does not change that fact.
You say "to-MAY-to," I'll say "to-MAH-to." C
The point is to us it doesn't matter that the children are not with a parent for about 45 hours a week. The point is that Mom and Dad EACH get to see each child as much as possible. That's why it matters if one parent is working 80 hours, or both of us are working 45 hours.
See the difference?
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People are not interchangable. The fact that you are there does not change the fact that your son sees his father 40 hours less per week then a child in the dual working family sees each of his parents per week.
The only thing that your being there does is effect the time that you have with your son it does not effect the amount of time that your DH does. Mommy being there does not always make up for Daddy not being there. Do you feel that your DH and yourself changagble in all facets of your life or just in the parenting aspect? In my case we may be interchangable in many areas of our life but parenting is one place we will never be. Our children need their father no less than they need me.
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Actually, there is a tax break, recently passed by our oil-loving president which DOES allow small businesses to deduct the cost of their new SUV, weight being over 3 tons, which, many of today's SUVs qualify for. Ask YOUR accountant.
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