Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
Find a Conversation
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

Pages
And no, I don't see us as interchangable at all. For one thing, DH doesn't have breasts or ovaries. But can I teach my son to throw, hit, or kick a ball? Um, yeah! Can I wrestle around with him? Yup! At this stage, I can do everything DH can do, but he can't do everything I can do. I expect that will change as DS gets older, and when it does, we'll change right along with it! C
Obviously you and your DH are doing what you feel is in the best interest of your family...DH and I are doing what is in the best interest of ours. C
Didn't you say in an ealier post that DH gives your son bottles in the morning so obviously breasts are not needed for feedings. So what magical trick of parenting can you do that your DH cannot do?
So when does this magic age happen that all of a sudden fathers are important?
I was a SAHM for the first 12 years after we had kids and I still saw myself as no less important then he was.
In many cases the mother becomes more important because that is the way the mother wants it and the way she sets is up. The father becomes the secondary parent not because they cannot parent in the same ways that mothers can but because they are not allowed to.
Edited 7/3/2003 8:49:12 PM ET by texigan
I don't think there is a magical age...I can't say now how old DS will be when he'll start needing me less and DH more, but I know it will happen some day. Until then, we'll keep going as we are now.
It's great that you've never seen your DH as superfluous, but I'm not you. My DH isn't your DH. And the fact of the matter is, he isn't as important in our DS's life as I am. He'd tell you the same thing. I'm not saying he's not important, but right now our son needs his mother more than his father. It is as simple (to us) as that. C
My son's father was and is a HUGE DAILY influence in my son's life and if he had not been, our son would not be the amazing young man he is now.
I pity your children *and* your dh; your attitude towards his role in parenting is revolting.
Pages