Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:37am
Care to elaborate on that? I'm curious what you mean by, "I guess I should have expected jingoism with your revolting and disgusting dismissal of fathers." C

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:42am
I guess you've never heard this one?

The Mommy Test

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter when she picked up something

off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.

"Why?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the

mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a mommy."

"Oh."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently

pondering this new information.

"I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the daddy."

It's a joke. ROTFLMAO...DH emailed it to me! At least HE has a sense of humor. C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 1:19am
I guess YOU missed the fact that no flag at all flies by my name....so your confidence in your knowledge of where *I* live is based on....what again?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 1:22am
"Sense of humor"...I doubt I'd have used that phrase to describe it, but whatever...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 1:22am
Sound it out and get back to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:50am
Because according to what she's written, all a father has to do is ejaculate.

She just doesn't seem to get that the bulk of us have somewhat higher standards for fatherhood...and parenting in general.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:53am
But it's equally wrong to be so greedy and grasping when you have testicles, are the sole provider of income for the home and work 80+ hours a week. If your dh is earning more than basic subsistance level OR isn't saving the endangered rain forest, then he's WRONG. wrong wrong wrong.

Just my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:55am
I love this. It's selfless to work for money if you can deduct it on your taxes, but selfish to work for money if you can't. This has got to be the stupidest argument (not yours, redrockmom's) I've ever seen posted here, and given the history of this board, that's no small accomplishment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:01am
Easy. In my case, my child has the example of both sets of grandparents (49 years--ended in Grampa's death, and 48 years--still going, respectively), two sets of greatgrandparents (65 years--ended in great gramma's death; and 55 years--ended with great grampa's death), 12+ sets of great aunts/uncles (various lengths from 48 to 28 years, all still going strong), 11 sets of aunts/uncles (various lenghts from 35 to 12 years, still going strong), and his dad and stepmom's marriage.

and he also has my example, whereby I refused a marriage proposal, because it wouldn't have worked and it's better to be alone than in a bad marriage.

Funny how, when questioned, it didn't occur to you to mention the marriages around you as augmenting support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:11am
Of course it wasn't an insult to the fathers in your life, as you have posted you and your DH come from a line of workaholic fathers. They got the best of both worlds, they can work all they want and justify it by saying that they aren't needed at home anyway.

One of the reasons that statiscally mothers bear more of the childcare burden is because of familes likes yours. The mothers like the power of having control of the home front and the fathers are happy not to have to deal with it.

But just the mothers are doing more of the hands on work it still does not mean that fathers are not important or needed.




Edited 7/4/2003 8:24:36 AM ET by texigan

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