Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

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Laura
Ironic that you think I feel that way about fathers...particularly since I'm adopted, so ejaculation didn't even come into the picture with my dad.
Stop putting words in my mouth, stop insulting me, and start debating. C
Is greed a motivator? You betcha.
Susan
Do I need to start explaining things to you like I would to my 17 month old (smaller words, maybe)...I think he would have a better grasp of this than you do. C
Actually, no my situation is not that unusual around where I live. Dh and I juggled our schedules so it would work out that way. Dh does all of the dropping off so ds starts school at 8am and dd starts dc at 8:30am, and dh starts work at 9am (usually home by 6ish in the evening). I start work between 7 and 7:30am and work until 2:30ish pm tues-fri. I work a full day on mondays so that I have shorter hours on tue-friday. Dh picks up the kids early on mondays and goes back to work in the evening after the kids are in bed to make up the hours. End result is that dd is in dc from about 8:30 to 2:30ish (roughly) and ds is in school from about 8 to 3 (he prefers me to pick him up after dd).
What might be unusual about our situation is that we live and work within 10 minutes of dc and school (5 minute drive from work to dc and about 10 minute drive to school after that). Home is 10 minutes from school and work. But then we planned very carefully where to buy our house so that all the commutes would be very short. Most people in my dept. start work between 7 and 7:30am so I am not unusual in that way (and they mostly do it for the same reason). I have to say that at dd's dc, most kids don't come in before 8-8:30am and by 3pm the place is more than half-empty.
Laura
Andrea...
mom
Laura
DH is a child of divorce and he is hell-bent and determined to make our marriage work, lest his child suffer like he did through his parents divorce. FIL says he's glad he got DH out of the situation when he did, he'd rather DH see no marriage at all than a bad one. Of course, now FIL and MIL have been married 16 years and they're wonderful...shall I continue? Do you really want to hear about every good marriage in our lives...there is BIL and SIL (the other SAHM)...I could go on and on, but I think you get my point.
NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE A MARRIAGE UNLESS THEY'RE INTIMATELY INVOLVED IN THE MARRIAGE...ie--the husband or the wife. Illusions are sometimes just that, illusions. C
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