Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:26pm
I'm not going to debate the merits of my ob/gyn to you, I'm not her career counselor, just her patient. She's married to an ENT, so money isn't the reason she works...she does it b/c she loves the job. The money is a perk. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:26pm
But why just mom? Why not dad? I also know plenty of fathers who have stayed home for months with their children or gone to pt for awhile. (sorry, just my personal beef!)

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:27pm
Thanks Andrea...you know, I was thinking the same thing. ;) Great minds and all of that! Christi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:28pm
I didn't conclude that being proud to be an American was jingoism. I concluded your ASSUMPTION that you know what nationality *I* am amounts to jingoism. And I'm not wrong. You know nothing about me, yet assume you know where I live. Doesn't take CLW to figure that one out.
Avatar for mama2gigi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:29pm
Again, I think caution has to be used when making statements like that. That may have been true for your brother, but for others things may be very different. My ex-DH's father was a commercial fisherman. He was gone for 9mos of the year for the entire time his kids were growing up. Yes, his kids missed him but they still maintained a very close relationship with him. Now, as adults, they have nothing but respect and admiration for how hard he worked to provide for them and how hard he worked to be a great dad despite the fact that his job kept him away for long periods. I also credit their mother for helping them to understand why their dad had to be away so much.

Now my ex-BIL is a commercial fisherman and the same thing goes for his family. He is gone a lot, but when he's home they make the most of their time and they're a very happy and close family. A.

Andrea...
mom

Avatar for mama2gigi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:33pm
If that's what works then that's ok too. My best friend (a mom) works ft while her DH stays home during the day with kids and then works pt at night. It's not the arrangement I'd like, but it works for them. I should have said "parent" rather than "mom". A.

Andrea...
mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:33pm
There are unscrupulous people in every profession...should I start judging ALL priests b/c a few have molested children? What about ALL teachers, after all, Mary Kay Letourneau did have sex with an underage student? Or is it okay for you to call my DH greedy b/c he works twice as many hours as you do, but you're not b/c you only work 40 hours a week? Your logic doesn't hold up. Of course there are unscrupulous asset managers, there are bad people everywhere--but that doesn't mean we're all bad. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:36pm
What if dad WANTS to work and WANTS mom to be home with the kids...why is that so hard for people to understand? He would rather his wife be home with the kid than the kid in daycare. That's his priority...it may be goofy to you, but it works for us. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:37pm
Why stop now? You're already judging all WOHMs based on someone you backstab in the guise of friendship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 12:37pm
Actually, I made the assumption based on what I've seen you post on other boards (while I was lurking). C

Pages