Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
| Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am |
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?
Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.
My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.
Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?
Susan

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Or, put another way...let's say DH & I both WOH for 40 hrs a week. DS is on a daily schedule that looks a little like this: up at 7am, 3 hrs of nap daily (sometimes split between two naps, sometimes one nap), bedtime no later than 7pm. So if DH is working 40 hrs a week (mind you, the 80 week includes commuting time), he'd still leave the house at the same time each day, but he'd sit in traffic much longer if he got off at five. So, say he's home at six (on an average traffic day). Wow! Let's shove DS's dinner, bath, and bedtime routine into that hour (remember, I'm working now and commuting, too and then we'd have to pick DS up from daycare)...I don't see how five extra hours a week (particularly jam-packed and hurried) are going to increase his bonding with DS, particularly if DS is spending at least 40 hrs a week with a DCP and not either parent. Give up 40 hrs. a week with mom so he can have 5 w/dad? Not on your life! Even if DH worked less hours, he wouldn't spend that much more time w/DS, so it's a moot point to me.
Again, we're doing what works best for our family. C
Mygarnetboy's husband who does love his family and is setting them up pretty damn well, if you don't believe me, let's compare retirement and education funds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I perfectly understand your one wage earner family...several people in my family use the same model and they seem reasonably happy with it. But maybe you need to get a clue that other families who don't work mega hours will probably do just as well financial in the long run and still have the flexibility you anticipate when you "retire".
The fact that you can't see how absurd it is to villify a woman for doing the same thing as your husband is doing beyond my comprehension, but it seems like the rest of us get the irony.
It's like raising you child in in the the middle of Arizona and then stating "He's never been one for the beach. He much prefers the desert."
Kids know what they know. And if that's the way you have it set up fine. He can work in Alaska for all I care & never see his son. BUT do not demean the importance of dads or the need for them because YOU choose to SET YOUR DS UP as a momma's boy.
My son was a Momma AND a DADDY'S boy. We BOTH played a very close and intimate role in all that we did with him. My husband spent & spends a lot of time with him. It's because we set it up that way.
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