Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 5:46pm
And EXACTLY how did you conclude that. There is quite a few hours beteen 80 and 40.

If her husband has such a strong bond being away for 80 hours a week, then it would be a breeze for someone only working 40 hours a week. Even if she IS working for stuff. I mean that would be 40 HOURS MORE a week. Imagine all the things you could do with that 40 hours.

If his relationship isn't compromised why would hers?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 5:48pm
Just jumping on to agree. Perfectly said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 5:52pm
Gossiping about your "friend" on a internet bb is indeed backstabbing. Have you invitied her here to read all the posts you have written about her? It might be quite enlightening for her.

Susan

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:04pm
You seem to be a bit confused.

I didn't say it was impossible to know what made a good marriage unless one had been divorced. I didn't say that everyone who had been divorced knew what makes a good marriage.

I said (follow very carefully here) that being in a bad marriage taught ME more about making a good marriage than being in a good marriage has.

If you recall (and if you don't, your post it right up THERE ^) you clamied that you knew more about what makes a good marriage than H&I, simply by virtue of the fact that you were happily married, while she was divorced. Throwing out for the moment the fact that you were completely wrong about her marital status, it's obvious your assertion was that someone who has been divorced has less understanding of what makes a marriage work than someone who has not been divorced. I offered my experience to illustrate that assertion was false.

So, I don't have to "explain" your parents, because their relationship has absolutely no bearing on my remarks.

As for the tupperware, I seriously doubt your mother has any older than I am. I do, however, have shoes older than YOU are, and am not the least bit impressed by you and your dh being married for a "fourth of your life", because a fourth of your life is the meresest blink of an eye of mine.

Of course, that's completely ignoring your confusion regarding me holding myself up as an example of anything, other than the flaw of your logic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:05pm
Lordy, it looks like hubby has arrived to defend the little woman. Or has he? Hmmm.....


Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:10pm
I'm not talking abour a few bad apples. I'm talking about institutionalized greed, about routinely making money off the backs of others. I doubt teachers and priests can be accoused of this.

Susan

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:10pm
Which will become a self fulfilling prophecy but that doesn't make it right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:15pm
Yes let's compare!! Wait one second while I pull my accounts up.....WAIT a minute! Just wait one cotton pickin' minute! AREN'T you the altruistic husband who is working for the "greater good". Now WHY in the world would you write such a SNARKY post? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....well I have my suspicions. Anyway, shouldn't you be spending time with you son and not wasting it here on the message boards? Is you wife now unable to defend her argument and she has to bring in her BACK UP DEBATE TEAM! LOL


<>>

Yeah, that post just reeks of an "altruistic, do it for the greater good type" of guy!

Or gal as the case may be! ROTFLMAO!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:20pm
Great post!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:54pm
Nope, sorry, you completely based your argument on selflessness on the fact that it's tax deductible. Reread your own posts if you don't believe me. No matter how you spin it now, you can't change what you originally claimed.

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