Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
1499
Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 6:57pm
Really? Given I've maybe posted once, possibly twice on another board in the past two months, which board would that be?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:04pm
I haven't put any words in your mouth. I've described your behavior in talking uncharitably about an alleged friend, behind her back in a forum where she hasn't the opportunity to defend herself. Where *I* live, that's backstabbing. If it's not where you live, I'm glad I don't live near you.

<>

Not at all. I'm saying when I don't agree with my "friends" I tell THEM, not strangers on the internet. That's why we're friends, because I can voice my opinion honestly TO them....not ABOUT them to someone else. It's a lot classier to voice disagreements to the people with whom you disagree than to whine about them incessantly where they don't know about it and can't defend themselves from the insulting, demeaning picture you paint of them.

And while you're busy trying to paint me as a SAHM-hating WOHM, that doesn't wash, given my long history of defending SAHMs on this and ALL the other boards I post on--given your self-admitted history of stalking me around these boards, you have no excuse to claim you don't know I vigorously and vocally defend SAHMs. if you claim you can know where I live based on my posts on other boards, you cannot subsequently claim ignorance of my posting history wrt the defense of SAHMs. At least not without completely destroying what little credibility you have left.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:16pm
Yup!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:42pm
I didn't say they weren't more than a paycheck...what I said was that DS needs me more than his father right now. His father agrees, as do his grandparents (all five of them, including my ILs). He is a completely normal, healthy toddler. My DH and I simply don't think those five hours w/daddy are worth 40 in DC. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:44pm
That's certainly your right, and I stand by mine. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:47pm
Because even if he only worked 40 hr weeks, with his commute (which would be longer during RH) he would only spend 5 hours a week more with DS.... THAT's how she came to that conclusion (and b/c she's a friend and she knows FAR MORE about my situation than any of the rest of you, but that's beside the point). C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:49pm
Why would I do that when we've discussed over lunch that she's working for all the wrong reasons? Do you think I'm ashamed of what I've said...I'm not! I stand by my beliefs. However, I doubt she'll stop by this board, but I'll mention it the next time I see her. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:52pm
Perhaps in your old age, you're not comprehending what I'm saying then! ;) I merely pointed out that I was married and I knew how to make MY marriage work while questioning her marriage status. It's funny that what's good for your goose isn't good for my gander, isn't it? C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:52pm
You're right, molesting children is SO much more noble than making money. How silly of me. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 7:53pm
To who, to you? It doesn't make it right to you...but it's right to US and that's all that matters. C

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