Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are mega hours ok if you have a SAHP?
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Wed, 06-18-2003 - 11:00am
This is kind a a spin off from the equalty and careers thread. I have been reading many posts from the thread about SAHPs who have spouses who work lots of hours. Is it OK for one spouse to work 80 hours a week (assuming it's his choice), as long as there is a SAHP with the kids? Is it OK to to be a workaholic or career driven and come home at 10pm and leave the house at dawn because you have career goals that require those kinds of hours? Is that fair to the kids and ultimately fair to the relationship between dad and the child to assume the position that as long as mom is home, dad can be gone all the time?

Personally, it would make me crazy to have my dh at work 100 hours a week, regardless of my employment status. Crazy because I wouldn't want to have to handle everything that pertains to home and kids and crazy worrying that the kids were not developing a close relationship with dad. There is something to be said, IMHO, for dad beng the one to show up at some of the parent meetings, events, etc.

My bro commutes to NYC daily. He leaves at 4:30am and doesn't get home til 8-9pm every night. He misses just about everything having to with his kids and does not even get to eat one meal with them during the week. That would make me nuts.

Is it ok to have an absent parent if the other parent is a SAHP?

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:29pm
Wait - won't helping you out here on the board eat into the time he could be earning commissions? Or is it eating into time he could be with his ds? I didn't realize he had so much extra time with his work schedule. Maybe he doesn't sleep much....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:29pm
I've said before that I don't view WOHMs in a negative light, I've got several friends who do it and I respect their ability to balance so many balls in the air. I've also not ever said that it harms a child to have two working parents.

DH helps people achieve their financial goals. It just so happens that SAHM has been a goal for several of his clients. The only one I can speak of freely is BIL/SIL (b/c I know the situation first hand b/c of what SIL has said, DH obviously doesn't talk about his clients affairs with me--that would be an enormous breach of confidentiality). BIL/SIL knew before DN was born that SIL wanted to stay home. My DH did the financial planning to make that a reality for them. I could turn the question around on you and ask what you see wrong with DH helping people achieve that if it's one of their financial and personal goals? Clearly not everyone WANTS to be a WOHM. I don't, SIL doesn't, my mother didn't...DH makes SAH a reality for women who want it, and I don't think that's any less altruistic than helping them achieve funds for their retirement or their child's education. If SAH is their financial goal, why isn't it admirable that DH helps them reach it? Obviously I'm proud of my DH and how good he is at what he does for a living. C

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:29pm
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No, you didn't "merely" point out anything, or "merely" question her marriage status. Here are your words, since you don't seem to remember them:

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What you did was question her knowledge in regards to making a marriage work, based on what your believed to be her marital status. Which point I addressed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:32pm
As their idol George W. would say, "Bring it on!"

I don't work just for Jamaican vacations or luxury cars, but also for retirement and education funds. And DH and I do that very well, thank you, without any silver spoon parents handing us a cushy job in the financial industry, and neither of us is gone more than 50 hours a week.

So --- any time you're ready, just post your numbers!!! Of course, that can't count any money you inherited. It's gotta be earned. Go on, I dare you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:33pm
Of course they do...let's see we'll start with mommy as the main ingredient, add a dash of daddy, a pinch of Grandma, a pinch of Grandpa (G-ma & G-pa are retired and DS sees them nearly every day), a little of Auntie the SAHM, a bit of the baby cousin, friends from playgroup, lunch with mommies DINK friends, weekend visits from mommy's sister, visits w/mommy's ex-coworkers and students...shall I continue? DS is getting quite enough socialization, thank you! C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:34pm
LOL, he does take holidays off. And DS was napping when DH posted. Even working 80 hour weeks, that does leave another 88 hours (DH doesn't sleep much) to do other things. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:41pm
What in God's name gives you the idea that we've inherited anything? Or that DH's father gave him his job in the industry? ROTFLMAO! DH's father owns a real estate company in another CITY and is very much alive, thank you. As is his mother...no inheritence for us, yet. And we don't need it...we're doing fine without the ILs estates. I imagine we'll earmark that for the kids, sock part away and give the rest to charity when that horrible time comes. I'd far rather have FIL here among the living with us than his millions--how much $$$ does one family need anyway?

How interesting the assumptions you made about my DH, who got where he is today by one thing passed to him by his father (and no, not money)--try his work ethic.

I'll see if he wants to post numbers...that was his challenge, not mine. C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:56pm
Actually, your marriage isn't much "proof" you can make it work, since my ex and I, while never married, were together more than 13 years...more than twice as long as you've been married. When you've been married 14 years, you may snark at me freely, but you still won't be able to slam me for being divorced.

You're not very good at this lurking on other boards and learning about me, are you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 9:02pm
LOL...about as much as her little precious boy looked at her with tears in his eyes and begged her to put him up for adoption.....ROFL. Right.

I believe BOTH those things happened about as much as I believe that redrockmom isn't some other poster looking to deflect attention away from her own rather revolting opinions. It happens quite regularly with that poster and always on cue. FAR more predictable than simple chance would allow :)

Just don't ask me WHOOOOOO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 9:06pm
Well, we're bound to agree at least occasionally :)

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